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mcdonalds shake machine 

A legendary machine said to exist inside of a McDonalds that allegedly serves milkshakes and only works once in a blue moon. If asked about the the machine, the McDonalds employees will almost always deny the allegation and say shake machine broke.
Legend has it that long ago there existed a prosperous time in which mankind was able to enjoy milkshakes from McDonalds. And then the dark times approached, wherein teenagers who were entitled and expected 15 dollars an hour became unwilling to serve milkshakes out of sheer laziness.

Soccer Mom: "Hi! Yes, could I get a chocolate milkshake, from the mcdonalds shake machine, please?"
McDonald's Teenage Employee: "Yeah uh, shake machine broke."
Soccer Mom: "Your shake machine is always 'broke'!!!"
McDonald's Teenage Employee: "Well it's not going to be fixed any time soon. I am too lazy."
Soccer Mom: "You lazy son of a bitch!"
McDonald's Teenage Employee: "How about some chocolate ass cream instead?"
Soccer Mom: "Up yours! Soccer moms will prevail!"
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Slap-ass gum-ball machine 

When a man has a hole in his underwear. You slap his ass pull up his penis and his balls fall through the hole.
The slap-ass gum-ball machine: John sees Spencers underwear has a hole in them . “John slapped his ass, pulled his Willy wiener, and his balls fell out.” I just did the slapp-ass gum-ball machine you. You’re dog water.

ice cream machine 

it is not working sorry. btw i work at mcdonalds

orphan crushing machine 

The failures of capitalism that creates and crushes orphans.
Wow, that orphan crushing machine got voted down! Here's hoping we can vote to remove the current orphan crushing machine but it seems to be a hot topic these days.

Texas Chainsaw Slot Machine

You are just railing at a girl hardcore and then you decide to get crazy. You start off by loading a roll of quarters in the girls ass, then you put in some anal beads. Then you plant a foot on her ass. You rip them out and the quarters fly everywhere!
Dude, so me and my bros were in Vegas last weekend and we were just ripped! We found some hooker and she showed us the texas chainsaw slot machine! Let's just say we hit the jackpot!

The Machine Gun 

"The Machine Gun" is when a guy gets a BJ from a random woman, and pulls out, nuts on her face, and screams RAT-TATTA-TATTA
Hey girl, wanna see The Machine Gun, (7 min later) RATATATTATATATATAT!!!!!!
The Machine Gun by NumShotBoi August 3, 2017

Sex Machine 

Someone who has sexual relations with not only the entire football team but the waterboy too.
Person 1: DUDE, Megan is such a Sex Machine!
Person 2: DUDE, Sex Machine is Megan!
Sex Machine by hpsedrnieaml January 23, 2011