When any office colleague because of some or other reason keeping themselves little isolated from other colleagues.
by DrShan February 15, 2022
Get the Office Quarantinemug. Flex Officer (noun):
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
An elite-tier desk goblin who lives rent-free under the Captain’s desk, occasionally surfacing to breathe through their nose holes and remind everyone that “they’re special.” Born from the unholy union of nepotism and weaponized whining, the Flex Officer is the workplace equivalent of a trust fund baby who thinks mopping is a hate crime.
They don’t work at the jail — they grace it with their presence.
They don’t get mandated — they get massaged.
Their radio isn’t even connected — it’s just Bluetooth synced to Spotify where they’ve got a playlist titled “Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss.”
Key Attributes:
• Can hold their breath under a desk for 2 hours straight if Daddy Captain is rubbing their back and whispering, “You’re my little soldier.”
• Cries “unfair!” with the power of a soap opera widow anytime someone asks them to… do their actual job.
• Works half a shift, takes a full lunch, and still needs a mental health day from the trauma of watching other people do things.
Hierarchy of Enablers:
• Daddy Captain: Wears khakis so tight you can hear his thighs beg for help. Bends rules like he bends over to scratch the Flex Officer’s belly.
• Mommie Lieutenant: Pretends to discipline but calls them “my baby” when no one’s looking.
• Uncle Lou: Definitely has something sketchy going on!
Fun Fact:
The Flex Officer once got an award for “Most Improved” after showing up to roll call on time… once… in 2019.
You: “Why the hell am I getting mandated again?”
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
• Sergeant: “Flex Officer said he has emotional allergies to night shift, so Daddy wrote him a note and gave him a juice box.”
• You: aggressively Googling ‘how to fake your own death with minimal paperwork’
by BigDaddyBear53 July 4, 2025
Get the Flex Officermug. "I (state your name) do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, so help me God."
Chief justice: Mr./Mrs. President, are you ready to take the presidential oath of office?
President: I am
Chief Justice: Repeat after me, I (president’s name) do solemnly swear
President: I (name) do solemnly swear
Chief Justice: that I will faithfully execute the President of the United States
President: that I will faithfully execute the President of the United States
Chief Justice: and will to the best of my ability
President: and will to the best of my ability
Chief Justice: preserve, protect, and defend
President: preserve, protect, and defend
Chief Justice: The Constitution of the United States
President: The Constitution of the United States
Chief Justice: So help me God
President: So help me God
Chief Justice and President of the United States: (shake hands)
Chief Justice: says “Congratulations Mr./Mrs. President.” while shaking hands with the POTUS
President: Gives inaugural address
President: I am
Chief Justice: Repeat after me, I (president’s name) do solemnly swear
President: I (name) do solemnly swear
Chief Justice: that I will faithfully execute the President of the United States
President: that I will faithfully execute the President of the United States
Chief Justice: and will to the best of my ability
President: and will to the best of my ability
Chief Justice: preserve, protect, and defend
President: preserve, protect, and defend
Chief Justice: The Constitution of the United States
President: The Constitution of the United States
Chief Justice: So help me God
President: So help me God
Chief Justice and President of the United States: (shake hands)
Chief Justice: says “Congratulations Mr./Mrs. President.” while shaking hands with the POTUS
President: Gives inaugural address
by 1234567890abcdefghij August 16, 2020
Get the presidential oath of officemug. holy fuck, holy fuck, this place makes me want to fucking kill myself,
the people at this school suck, the teachers care 10x more about your uniform than school work. the chinese classes suck aswell, you literally do nothing but worksheets and sometimes watch a video. so much fucking transphobia and homophobia, teacher's say they're doing shit but i still get into fights with homophobes. i havent been to a single class without someone saying the f slur or the n-word. instead of trying to help the people who crack(get mad, start a fight) they just give you a detention
mr mkcay is awesome tho also theyrs this cross eyed bitch who has no compassion and also she's cross eyed
the people at this school suck, the teachers care 10x more about your uniform than school work. the chinese classes suck aswell, you literally do nothing but worksheets and sometimes watch a video. so much fucking transphobia and homophobia, teacher's say they're doing shit but i still get into fights with homophobes. i havent been to a single class without someone saying the f slur or the n-word. instead of trying to help the people who crack(get mad, start a fight) they just give you a detention
mr mkcay is awesome tho also theyrs this cross eyed bitch who has no compassion and also she's cross eyed
"did you go to officer secondary college?" -person 1
"i hate all gay people and anyone who isn't white" -person 2
"so you did?" -person 1
"yes" -person 2
"i hate all gay people and anyone who isn't white" -person 2
"so you did?" -person 1
"yes" -person 2
by ball sucker 3000 October 20, 2022
Get the officer secondary collegemug. Sheriff's Offices are important.
And then there's the fact that it's a dichotomy. And then there's the Fencing Fencing.On the other hand, the Dad And the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) returned to The Sheriff's Office in time.
by CalebFromBlood1997 June 1, 2025
Get the The Sheriff's Officemug. For the most part, theres two kinds of people that get elected. Theres the kind that would allow people to shame or disrespect them out of an office and resign (no matter the reason given), and theres the kind you'd have to kill (the worst kind). If you're the first kind of person by nature, Trump wants you to vote, since you think you can change things. Back in the Middle ages, if the king wasnt dead, he was still the king, there were no elections. Besides the facade of free elections and newer technology, has anything really changed?
What would you do if you had an office? Would you let a bunch of people you didnt know, didnt know you, and who you didnt give a fuck about take it from you? Or, would you guard it with every weapon available to you? Especially if you knew you were for the most part able to disappear and reappear when and where you wanted to.
by Solid Mantis September 25, 2020
Get the Officemug. offspring of (a) Salvation Army officer(s) born before the said officer(s) enter training school. Not to be confused with officer's brat.
abbreviated O.K.
abbreviated O.K.
by placemat January 23, 2009
Get the Officer's kidmug.