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2 legged hippo wearing a man's head as a hat 

2 legged hippo wearing a man's head as a hat

When a guy's fat gut is so huge it resembles a hippopotamus head ... it therefore must be a hippopotamus that only has 2 legs and has purchased itself a lovely man's head for a hat (probably not such a lovely hat given the size of the gut)
Wtf? Is that a 2 legged hippo wearing a man's head as a hat?
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clean as your mother's reputation

Basically, this term means that you can't get something any cleaner (or purer) than it is. It's also meant as a compliment by saying that somebody's mother is not a skanky whore or streetwalker. This term appeared in the young adult edition of the novel adaptation of the 1979 sci-fi thriller"Alien".
George the janitor tidied up the restroom so well it's not simply spic and span, it's as clean as your mother's reputation.

Lamp oil. Rope? Bombs? You want it? It's yours my friend. As long as you have enough rupees. Sorry link, I can't give credit. Come back when you're a little.... mmmmm Richer! 

What Morshu says while trying to sell you stuff.
Lamp oil. Rope? Bombs? You want it? It's yours my friend. As long as you have enough rupees. Sorry link, I can't give credit. Come back when you're a little.... mmmmm Richer!

Mickey mouse fucks Minnie mouse in the asshole and loses his boner as he enters her urinary tract and gets stuck and has to pull out but his dick falls off and now he's gay 

I don't really know to be honest
Did you see that one porno called Mickey mouse fucks Minnie mouse in the asshole and loses his boner as he enters her urinary tract and gets stuck and has to pull out but his dick falls off and now he's gay?

No Kyle, what the fuck man!?

Drunk as a fiddler's bitch 

A Victorian English description. Fiddlers were usually paid with food and drink at social events, as were their wives or mistresses. Since the women didn't have to work by playing music, they tended to drink heavily. By the end of the event, they'd be far drunker than anybody who had to pay, or the fiddler himself.
Man, if I hadn't been drunk as a fiddler's bitch, I never would have taken that grenade for you at the club.

as dry as a nun's cunt 

An expression of anything that is VERY dry.
That sandwich was as dry as a nun's cunt.
as dry as a nun's cunt by P V 2 March 24, 2018

Blunt as a Nun's Cunt 

Very blunt - referring to the fact that all nuns must vow to celibacy, and thus are not allowed to have sex. However, a lack of sex does not necessarily constitute a "bluntness" of the vagina (in fact, a blunt vagina would definitely be preferable to a sharp one, for ease of use), so the origin of the phrase likely originates from somebody looking for a funny sounding dirty rhyme.
1: "Fuck, this knife is blunt as a nun's cunt."

2: "...What? Oh, well, why aren't you using the other one then?"

1: "I wanted to say 'blunt as a nun's cunt'."

2: "Touché."