A young male who will give up countless hours of his time listening to the problems of his very attractive female friends because they need someone to talk to about their apathetic, Baywatch
jock of a boyfriend because no one else will listen or genuinely care. Although always surrounded by beautiful girls the nice
guy can’t get a girlfriend or even facilitate the alleviation of certain “drives” because his “ordinary” physical appearance will forever be compared to the Baywatch beach
bum’s. The nice
guy would never capitalize on a vulnerable girl, objectify or cheat on a girl, he will go out of his way and bend over backwards to help his “friends” and will never ask for anything in return but no matter how intelligent, understanding, humorous, compassionate, trusting or loyal the nice
guy is the female cohort will always pass him up and endure any length of abuse, objectification, apathy and cold-heartedness from a man if he has physical attractiveness, fashion, big muscles and chiseled facial features.
The nice
guy will eventually realize that his dependability and empathy will never be appreciated and all his friendships with females are all one-sided. This coupled with years of watching girls go for tanned, muscular jerk-offs with nice cars while he desperately hopes someone will realize that how viable he actually is will spawn and incubate the nice
guy’s insecurities and he will eventually abandon his views,
dumb-down his speech, take-up weight-lifting and switch majors from cancer research with a minor in theoretical physics to playground management so he can devote his time to emulating Baywatch characters and football players so that he will one day be viewed as more than a “nice
guy.”
The nice
guy will eventually work up the courage to ask out his attractive female friend but will invariably be turned down because she’s so self-centered that she’d never actually had a smidgeon of compassion for the nice
guy’s feelings or even realized that he’s interested in girls. After rejecting the nice
guy, the girl will downplay the supposed friendship to the point where they never speak again, which in turn will make the nice
guy depressed (ironically, he won’t have anyone to talk to) because he’s devoted so much time and energy and has become so warped from being exposed to these kinds of
people that he will either live the rest of his life alone in a tiny apartment, jerking off to old Saved by the Bell episodes or get drunk one night and impregnate a 300-pound, cross-eyed derelict who works at Wendy’s and spend the rest of his life being treated like shit.
The whole ‘nice guy’ phenomenon really supports the idea that
people primarily care about physical appearances and that shrewdness, selfishness and narcissism will always triumph over compassion, rapport and “inner beauty.”
