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Johnsoning 

The act of purposefully injuring oneself in order to collect disability or workman's compensation from the government or military because you took out too many TSP loans and have nothing saved for retirement.
Upon realizing his retirement account was dwindled from excessive loans, John came to work and headed straight to the break room for some johnsoning, and instantly fell off of a ladder tearing his acl virtually ensuring future disability checks from the government.

Swift Johnsoning 

The art of rubbing your ass across the floor with your pants down while repeatedly saying "Oh Long Johnson"
"What are you doing here Taylor Swifting?"
"He's not Taylor Swifting, that's old stuff."
"Yeah now you do it while seeing how many times you can say Oh Long Johnson"
"Swift Johnsoning is the latest memeing craze!"

oh long johnsoning

A term used in the show: South Park as a type of meme in the episode "Faith Hilling". This meme is portrayed as a person continuously saying "Oh Long Johnson" in a dangerous situation.
A boy was Oh Long Johnsoning in the road. After he said "Oh Long Johnson" for the 5th time. A truck hit him on his Rearend, punishing him for Oh Long Johnsoning in the Traffic.

swift johnsoning 

The act of wiping your partners running nose with a swift movement of your penis; swift johnsoning
swift johnsoning by Caylih10 February 15, 2014

Bob Johnsoning 

gorgeous fellatio to leaders
The housewife was Bob Johnsoning her historical husband.
Bob Johnsoning by Coop Dupe June 13, 2018

Johnstoning 

to touch oneself numerous times within an hour, mainly during times of boredom.
Today I found movies boring, so I proceeded to Johnstoning and finished off the day.
Johnstoning by Matt Hemerson May 18, 2008