Newton, Iowa

A glorious little shit hole in Central Iowa, well known for not having anything to do, not having any place to work, and having lots of weed. If you live in Newton, Iowa, you are either addicted to drugs, too poor to move to a better place, or an old, retired person. Newton, Iowa offers a variety of activities for young people to do, such as smoke weed, drive around town for six hours with no destination (sometimes while smoking weed), go to the roller skating rink (if you're 12), smoke weed, attend one of the 50 churches, eat fast food, smoke weed, have unprotected sex with multiple partners (at once or separately), go bowling, or cook meth, just to name them all. Newton, Iowa also has a fairly new race track, so now everything is just FUCKING DANDY! You can't smoke a race track, so very few Newton teens enjoy it. Newton, Iowa is 30 miles away from everything. Avoid this town like the plague.

Welcome to Newton, Iowa. We hope you brought something to do.

Man 1: "Where are you from?"
Man 2: "Newton, Iowa."
Man 1: "Sucks to be you, man."
Man 2: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm so baked right now."

Newton, Iowa by hodgepodge April 23, 2012

newton balling 

When three or more willing homosexuals are having simultaneous anal intercourse(like so - >>>). The furthermost partys testicles swing away gaining momentum, swings back and hits the middle partys testicles, but due to the fact that the middle partys testicles are still in contact with the foremost partys testicles, it does not move but releases the energy into the foremost parties testicles swinging them forward, thus giving the "newtons cradle" effect.

Keith: Hey, have you seen that video online? its got the record for the most downloads in a single hour.
George: Nah what is it?
Keith: Its a video of Ricky Martin, Clay Aiken, Tom Cruise and Vin Diesel Newton Balling
George:WHAT THE F$#K!!

newton balling by testy365 July 2, 2009

Newton's 5th law of political dynamics 

The more a politician says he stands for family values, the more likely he is to cheat on his wife.

That Congressman is screaming he stands for family values. Yeah, he's following Newton's 5th law of political dynamics and must be banging his assistant

Newton's 5th law of political dynamics by Endsurg May 25, 2010

Newton's Car Wash 

When the gravity from taking a dump forces enough water to splash up and clean your ass automatically.

You: Oh no... all out of toilet paper. The best thing I can hope for is a Newton's car wash.

Newton's Car Wash by mreman91 November 20, 2010

Newton's Log

n. the phenomenon of excrement being forced from one's anus when lifting a sufficiently heavy object. The square of the velocity of the excrement is proportional to the mass of the object being lifted assuming constant excremental mass and constant acceleration of the object being lifted.

To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction: or the forces of two bodies, one being the force required to move an object away from the center of a gravitational field and the other being poo directed toward the center of the same gravitational field, on each other are always equal and are directed in opposite directions.

I had a bad case of the mudbutt earlier this morning and my situation just got so much worse. Newton's Log just caused me to spray a conical mist of liquid ass all over the room. I need to change my pants, underwear and the curtains.

Newton's Log by MicahtheDangerous January 24, 2011

Newton titties 

N breast that pendulate on a radial axis and when one is acted upon by force as to set in motion in such a way that it collides with the other subsequently transferring the force or kinetic energy to the adjacent breast. Basically swinging tits that emulate newton balls. Typically found on sporty older women (gilf type) that cruise braless in bars.

Damn Ron, look at the Newton Titties on that old lady, now that's kinetic energy at work!

Newton titties by Jellubuiscuit August 27, 2013

Newton Abbot 

A large market town in south Devon inhabited by drunken Londoners and Chavs. The town became a shithole in the 1980s after Dr Beeching closed down the town’s railway works. Every street is full of Charity shops, Turkish barbers and takeaways. Large communist and Fascists movement has blighted the school’s.

“Hey man, is their a place more chavy than Birmingham?”

“Yeah, it’s called Newton Abbot”

Newton Abbot by Baconflavouredcrisps December 25, 2018