Sperms
The stuff I find in my jammies in the morning that tastes like mushrooms. Note: Traditionally the noun "sperm" is one of many English nouns that does not take the pluralizing 's', serving as both the singular and plural form (not unlike "goose," "moose," and "penis"). Recently however, several prominent sperm doctors, policy analysts, and kindergartners have begun experimenting with the more commonsensical--though admittedly jarring--"sperms" (See William Safire's "Whoppers Junior and Sperms Whale" for a more thorough discussion). One lexicographer has noted, as a recent variant of the ubiquitous "Kilroy was here" graffito, the emergence of "Kilroy's sperms was here." Debate has sprung up in certain circles whether the singular verb here is a deliberate, if cheeky, attempt by urban wordsmiths to keep the state of the language in play as an ironic gesture of postmodern insouciance regarding the moribund strictures of prescriptive grammar, and as a Nietzschean celebration of linguistic, and therefore metaphysical, uncertainty, or whether it's simply a mistake.
"Mommy, I found more sperms in my jammies this morning. They taste like mushrooms." "Capt. Thomas, hoping to avoid impregnating his wife, sexited his member from her love-tunnel and loosed his sperms on his nearby pirate hat."
Sperms by Dr. M.P. Brody, PhD January 21, 2009
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