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An impossibly difficult written task set by extremely evil, cruel, and nasty teachers (or teachers' bosses - some teachers don't like essays either!) to do for homework,usually due for a week after they are set.
Essays are possibly the worst torture ever due to their immense difficulty to accomplish for a certain young goldfish who may or may not be writing this definition when they are supposed to be doing their Citizenship essay on bullying that is already 15 days overdue!

and I can't do it! Help me!!!!! :-(
essay by Goldfish United! February 26, 2009
A person who takes forever in describing something, a story, directions, etc. when it could've been easily understood in two sentences.
Girl: Hey, hows your day been going?
Boy: Oh, its been okay. When I woke up, I didn't have any toothpaste so I had to open a new tube and then I realized I didn't like that flavor so I went into my parents room and borrowed theirs and then my dad started yelling at me for making him late and....
Girl: Woah now, take it easy there essay.
essay by auuuudddddd. August 14, 2009
A short piece of writing with an average of 5 paragraphs that school children write to improve their experience in writing, grammar and reasoning. They get annoying and laborious once you reach middle school.

The topics that teachers give their students for essays are usually boring and irrelevant topics that are more enjoyable for adults, and sometimes they are actually some of the most impractical subjects to write an essay on.

The most common type is the argumentative essay. The total amount of written material from every argumentative essay a child has had to write that does nothing to enhance their knowledge or skill would probably rival that of the Marvel Universe, DC Universe, Star Wars Universe and Old and New Testament combined. I honestly think it's why kids get so pissed on the internet; because they've been trained to react defiantly to any sort of controversy. I usually title my argumentative essays with "Argumentative Essay Number" followed by a massive number like 40 billion or something.
I have to write an essay on the plot structure of Twelfth Night.

Kill me.
essay by UsefulInfoBeing June 2, 2016
Hey essay, who you tryin to get crazy with? don't you know i'm loco!!!
essay by Jon Himself March 28, 2003
A mexican term that means Brother, Homie, Friend.
South park: Cartman: Did you write the essays? Mexican: Si, I wrote my essay back in mexico. Mexican2: And I wrote 2 essays, one wrote back "Hey thanks for writing, essay"
Essay by Austin L. Vincent June 12, 2007
Jesse: let’s party
Kyle: bro just got this essay from my mom, time to go boss
Essay by wrorty December 8, 2021