soccer-mom hair 

Short, easily managed, but completely unfeminine and unflattering haircut worn by overweight, middle-aged women with 2.6 children who spend more than 40 hours per week, obsessively focussed on their precious children's extra-curricular activities. The often overly highlighted cut is typically parted in the center or to one side, with longish bangs, no hair products and is distinguished from more stylish and current short hairdos by it's roots in 70's and 80's fashion, re-hashing the "dorothy hamill" and "geraldine ferraro" styles, and often worn with "mom jeans," (also rooted in 80's style - high wasted with baggy ass and peg leg), baggy sweatshirts and white sneakers.

i want a short bob, but i don't want soccer-mom hair!

soccer-mom hair by roach motel April 14, 2008

Soccer Mom Mobile 

1) Something that Dottie drives around, because she has nothing better to do but drive her Subaru Forester after a hard day's work at the racquetball club, providing the less fortunate with yellow tennis balls that only Attorney At Law, Mr. S. Herzog could appropriately have a use for.
2) Something that Dottie's son Chris Dellvlin owns and drives, also known as the Jeep Grand Cherokee, that is of course before he finds the wonder of remembering the Titan.

Holy shit! Was that the Flavor Savor himself stroking his goatee while on his headset with his mom Dottie telling her he was arriving into the garage (on his ninth phone call exchange with her to report his whereabouts) after a fine day of racing with the Spencer Racing Team, landscaping, and tapping it up in a game of TAPS? Why yes, I do believe 'twas he, the man with that awesomely hot fat chick (also sometimes seen with a dark haired freak who uses him for rides)cruising around in his Soccer Mom Mobile for the last time today, as tomorrow he is said to be purchasing an even more renowned vehicle simply known as the mini-van converted to pick-up truck itself--the "Spearmint Gumball"--the prestigious $20,000 two-wheel drive Titan.

Soccer Mom Mobile by I wish I could say that this was Devlin, but sadly I'm not THAT lucky!! April 14, 2005

soccer mom'd

Being owned or pwned to the point of no return.

"STFU COCKSHIT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! YOU HAVE OVER 200 POSTS IN LESS THAN 10 DAYS. YOU'RE FUCKING PATHETIC, EVEN FOR YOUR AGE. WHAT PART OF "MISETINGS IS FOR ADULTS" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, KID? HERE'S THE DEAL: I'M GOING TO STUFF MY RAINBOW-COLORED COCK UP YOUR FAT ASS AND RUPTURE YOUR PREPUBSCENT PROSTRATE, ENSURING THAT ONCE YOU HIT PUBERTY, MASTURBATION WILL BE MEANINGLESS TO YOU. THAT'S RIGHT. I'M STEALING THE ONLY CHANCE YOU'LL EVER HAVE AT SEXUAL SATISFACTION. ONCE I'VE NUTTED IN YOUR LARGE INTESTINE, I'M GOING TO PULL OUT AND FORCE YOU TO EAT THE REMAINS OF YOUR PITIFUL GLAND. YOU WILL LIKE IT. IF YOU DON'T, I WILL KNEE YOU IN THE STOMACH UNTIL YOU VOMIT IT BACK UP. YOU WILL BE GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE TO ENJOY IT. WE CAN REPEAT AS MANY TIMES AS NECESSARY OR UNTIL YOUR STOMACH BURSTS AND YOU SLOWLY DIE. THEN I WILL DON MY SOMBRERO AND DO A MEXICAN TAP DANCE ON YOUR MINUTE SCROTUM." -

A random scrub getting soccer mom'd by Arc from Misetings.com

soccer mom'd by DerangedHermit June 19, 2004

soccer-mom hole 

The moist feeling from a butthole after a good poop. No matter how many showers you take, it's still wet, like a soccer-mom watching Magic Mike for the first time. Soccer-mom hole may or may not sting/burn.

"Bro, I took the biggest poop yesterday. It's been 16 hours and I still got the soccer-mom hole."

soccer-mom hole by PunkAaron January 19, 2014

soccer mom'd

The act of a driver of a vehicle (usually a soccer mom) putting their right arm out in front of the passenger while braking suddenly or turning suddenly to prevent the passenger from moving forward (because the seat belt is not enough.) This word was most recently used in the MTV series, Teen Wolf.

While driving

Passenger: Turn left!

Driver: (turns left abruptly while sticking out right arm in front of passenger)

OMG sorry I totally just soccer mom'd you.

soccer mom'd by swimma4life June 30, 2011

soccer mom crisis 

An annoyance or small problem that somebody is ridiculously treating as a major problem. It is based on stereotypical soccer mom women. They are often pampered upper-middle-class types who expect everything to go their way, and cannot handle even a small matter that is out of their control.

When Emily shouted at the Starbucks baristas for being out of sugar-free vanilla syrup, her embarrassed boyfriend told her to calm down and quit having a soccer mom crisis.

soccer mom crisis by Lavender12 July 14, 2015

Soccer Mom (sex position)

While an older female is giving fellatio she is riding the trailer hitch on her SUV. She has all of the balls covered.

I had a wild night with that milf from the bar. We went out back and she totally started to Soccer Mom me. Soccer Mom (sex position)

Soccer Mom (sex position) by yourmom86 September 1, 2011