coffee-table rock 

Safe, non-abrasive, dull, middle-class music for snobbish rich-kids who think they’re skirting on the wild side. The audio equivilent of coffee-table books, designed for browsing and social status, rather than musical appreciation.

-I really like Coldplay and U2.

-Coldplay and U2 are coffee-table rock you tart.

coffee-table rock by alxrgrs July 18, 2010

Coffee table-ing 

The perverse sexual act of defecating onto a glass coffee table whilst someone lies underneath the coffee table to best observe the results

Derek was a huge fan of coffee table-ing

Coffee table-ing by otter89 July 21, 2009

Coffee Table Book 

1. A book that is very old or large and decorative that people put on display under or on their coffee table to make them look more cultured

2. Something you'll never read

"'Gray's Anatomy', hey isn't this a show?"

"Apparently it was a book first."

"Who would ever read this?"

"There's a reason why it's on the coffee table, the perfect coffee table book."

Coffee Table Book by parselmouth94 July 30, 2009

coffee table rules 

When your buddy is impatient and doesn't want to "wait his turn" on the salty wench. You share your wench but strictly "no homo" style. Coffee table rule is defined as the rule of "you stay on your side of the coffee table (the coffee table being the females back as she is on all fours) and I'll stay on my side". The females back can also be USED as a table to set your beer or other beverage of choice on, assuming all parties are in sync and things don't get too wild.

"Sheridan, this may take longer than I had expected, you can jump in on the other end but coffee table rules bro."

coffee table rules by Bdiddy1 June 13, 2014

coffee table banger 

the act in which a guy goes under a coffee table with a hole in it....puts his dick in the hole and has the girl sit on it.

"i did a total coffee table banger last night!"

coffee table banger by amana June 2, 2008

coffee table cockblock 

When your getting frisky with a girl and you wind up on the floor. She then notices the ugly as sin coffee table you have and that ends your chances of getting any.

I was gunna get lucky but she saw the ugly ass coffee table i made during weilding and got coffee table cockblocked

coffee table cockblock by Lorck13 March 15, 2011

Coffee Table Friend 

A so-called friend that, just as coffee table books, is just for display and entertainment.

I didn't know you were friends with John!

Oh, no. He's just a coffee table friend.

Coffee Table Friend by Yeovah's Ass March 27, 2020