CCHS, or Cramlington Community High School, is a school found in the north-east of England. Strangely enough, it is in a town called Cramlington. It is a multi-cultural school, accepting a diverse mix of Chav’s, Emo’s, Scene Kids and Barbie’s. There is much tension among these groups, with at least one argument per lesson between them. There are two sides- the Chav’s and the Barbie’s, and the Emo’s and the Scene Kids. Conflict is
inevitable.
Teachers at CCHS are unable to control there classes, unless they are a Head of Population, all of which are quite
intimidating. Some teachers are able to control small classes, however when the number of students breaches 20, control is lost. This is mainly because of the Chav’s short
attention span, and are often compared to chimps by
English teachers. When a Chav at CCHS loses interest, common side effects include:
-Shouting across the room “How man! (some
unintelligent nickname here) Yu comin’ oot the night?”
-The throwing of paper and writing implements across the classroom.
-Hurling several
unintelligible insults at the teacher and Emo’s/ Scene Kids.
-Humming the theme tune to some Stephen Spielberg film, typically Jaws.
-Shouting “Sir/Miss! A divvent ger it!” when they haven’t attempted to do any work set.
-Spreading rumours that clearly are not true, just for fun and attention. Half the time they don’t know who they’re talking about.
A typical CCHS Male Chav has thick hair on the top, but shaved at the sides, giving off the
impression of someone who just
lost control of the razor rather than looking “fit” and “mint as”. They walk poker- straight with their hands tucked into their pockets. If the Male Chav is surrounded by Female Chav’s and possibly one other chubby Male Chav, he gets classified as “camp”. The most commonly noticed Male Camp Chav has earned the nickname of “Gaymien” by all non-Chav’s/Barbie’s. No insult intended to any gay’s- the Gaymien is an insult to everyone.
Males surrounded by more Male Chav’s are just classified as “Chav’s”. Chav’s in Year Nine and below are called “hardcore radgies”.
Female Chav’s look a lot like the Males. They have
greasy hair that gets tied in a low ponytail without the assistance of a H**r Br*sh (apologies- Female Chav’s are allergic to this phrase). Most come to school wearing tracksuit pants and their jumper that hasn’t been washed since they got it. Most look like they have been hit by a bus three times and have never recovered.
Unfortunately, it isn’t that simple.
Barbie’s, quite simply, look like
Barbie dolls. They wear more makeup than Jodie Marsh, whom most aspire to be like- others simply wish to work as mothers. A chisel and a wallpaper stripper is often needed to remove this makeup, although it would be best to just not wear it, as the ominous
orange glow is blinding to those who get too close. Barbie’s chew gum constantly, opening their mouths as wide as a hippos so everyone can see their teeth marks in their “chud”.
Cramlington High School is split in to several blocks- A Block, B Block, D Block, P.E, Sixth Form, Music and Drama, Social Block, the
Discovery Zone, A Hall and B Hall. B Block, the dullest part of the school, is prone to graffiti in toilets and people running to hide in at lunch times, and succeeding for
five minutes before being chucked out by the member of staff on duty.
A Block is most common for Barbie’s to go and apply another layer of make-up.
Social is prone to Chav’s and Barbie’s sitting around gossiping about who shagged who, what rumours to start spreading, who they think is a mess, who is a “propa fkin bitch man” and other mindless chatter.
CCHS is often noticed for the hovering smog from cigarettes around the premises, and the echo of DJ music, meaningless to anyone who hears it. However, these people are quickly shifted out on to Vocational Studies trips whenever OFSTED come to rate the school, thus gaining it high marks for teaching in small classes.
The Head Teacher of CCHS is one Mr Wyse, known only for sitting in his office eating doughnuts and getting little Year Nines who are on Student Reception to fetch his meals at lunch time. He rarely ventures out of his office, but when he does, it is either when it is quiet outside, or when he is surrounded by important- looking men. He is also famous for successfully being able to put a whole hall full of students to sleep during one of his All-Important-Speeches that are
completely irrelevant to the students. He, obviously, is all fun, fun, fun.