Blind man's wank

When you sit on your hand for an extended period of time then proceed to masturbate. Your hand will have gone numb so it feels like someone else is doing it for you.

"Me and Dave combined the Blind man's wank with a Dutch Rudder last night"

"Really? I've got to try that! Sounds like a rush!"

Blind man's wank by nialldthaitan September 30, 2010

The King's Wank 

A jack off session so great, so utterly phenomenal that it could save the world from all it's problems.
The King's Wank is said to happen on July 22nd 2028 at 11:36PM East coast time. in which a man will fulfill the legendary prophecy.

It is said that the producer of The King's Wank once fulfilled, will ascend to a higher plane of existence.

The King's Wank will come soon.

The King's Wank by Snozingly7 January 28, 2023

posh man's wank 

Where a man wears a condom whilst masturbating, as opposed to catching the spunk in a tissue/ something similar. The word 'posh' is used to denote the expense of buying a pack of condoms for such a menial reason (to make the wank more pleasurable).

"I've still got some jonnies left over, I know, I'll have a posh man's wank."

posh man's wank by Tipp-Ex June 16, 2009

M&S Wank 

A wank focussed on the celebrity Myleene Klass, as seen in a bikini on the posters for UK company Marks and Spencer. (M&S)

J: Ah mate I just had the biggest M&S Wank
T: That's wrong homeslice, she has a baby now

M&S Wank by Calvin J Klein August 3, 2007

that’s wank 

This means something is like well stupid or rubbish.

E.g. is that a Rubik cube that’s wank

that’s wank by Itz_mia_dat_hoe January 31, 2018

Writer's wank 

Akin to writer's block except that writer' wank is the opposite problem: an overabundance of inspiration. The term wank in this context describes when a fiction writer uses their narrative to promote their own beliefs, even when it is inappropriate and well outside the scope of the story. The implication behind the term is that the author is merely committing self-gratification without regard as to how it will affect the plot.

Some genres of fiction that are especially susceptible to this are science fiction, romance, and alternate history. While all writers are encouraged to imbue their work with a strong underlying message, projects that fall victim to a wank attack are notorious for yielding one-dimensional, cliched, and heavily biased material that readers with differing opinions will have difficulty enjoying.

Hey, check out this New York Times Bestseller. It's about how socialism saves Europe from brink of World War II and then successfully defeats those mouth-breathing Yanks when they come looking for oil. Neat-o! Although I think $6.99 is a little pricey to let some frustrated socilogy professor writer's wank all over me.

Writer's wank by Spin me a real yarn! April 6, 2006

Sailor's wank 

The practice of numbing one's action hand, generally through circulation restriction or ice application, for the purpose of pseudo-auto-erotic masturbation.

I.e., it feels like someone else is doing it. Popular extensions include shaving and manicuring the hand to give a visual as well as sensory illusion.

So called due to the increasingly eccentric and imaginative masturbation aids that long periods at sea causes.

Seaman Staines: Ahoy! Why is there no ice in the freezer?
Master Bates: Because I just used it all to numb my hand and rub out a cheeky Sailor's wank all over your insoles.

and

Captain Jack Sparrow: Ahar, me matey. Where's me rubber bands for me hair?
Roger the Cabin Boy: Sup Jack. I took your hair bands for an extravagant Sailor's wank on the poop deck. I can offer you this delicious, creamy white conditioner in return?

Sailor's wank by Bertie Ahern December 9, 2008