von groovy's definitions

craft bro

An obnoxious bro who only drinks trendy craft beer and tells everyone about it whether they ask or not

Nate started bartending at a dive near the bus station and a craft bro walked in and bitched that they didn't have the trendy beer of the season. He was out on his ass in seconds.

by von groovy April 8, 2019

emotional gymnastics

These are a series of skilled movements involving all sorts of feelings and thinking in order to get oneself successfully through a negative situation with another person. It's tough and you have to be quick, strong, and flexible at all times to win this competition.

Sharon: "Did you hear about Ashlynn?"
Lisa: "I loathe that bitch. She tried messing with me last month and demonstrated that I can do emotional gymnastics at a gold medal level! She started crying and hyperventilating. I was in top form!"
Sharon: "She's dead."
Lisa: "Hmmm. Are we going to Chick Fil' A or what? I'm starving over here."

by von groovy July 2, 2024

intentional letters for chaos

This when someone utters words simply to start an argument. No one wants this. Well, some do and fuck them! Not literally.

Leo:"Hey honey. Does this shirt make me.

look fat"
Leah: "What?!? I won't fall for your

intentional letters for chaos.

again! And that shirt is mine!"

by von groovy July 17, 2024

stretching feelings

After having caught feelings for someone but not telling them thereby keeping yourself in an awkward and miserable state. You go through the stages of anxiety, sadness, and butterfly belly. It's terrible.

Jaimie: "Hey! What's up with Jackson? Is he okay?"
Jill: "I can't tell you the whole story, but he's in a bad way. He's beyond smitten for someone unavailable for months."
Jaime: "Yikes! So he's just stretching feelings? He needs to do something and do it fast!"

Jill: "I know. If he don't he'll soon be pisserable. He's such a sweetheart. I really feel for him."

by von groovy June 26, 2024

sockless season

Depends on where you live, but the time of year where you can go without socks in shoes, sandals, or be barefoot most of the time. Unless you've got the stench foot rot, it's a groovy time of year!

Jeremy read the weather forecast and then laughed at his sock drawer and said, "Shut up, BITCH!!! It's sockless season for months and I'll see you in October."

by von groovy May 2, 2019

Comadose

This term means the mega or super strong amount of drug or alcohol that someone takes and instead of feeling high, they are in a coma state. This is obviously not good.

Barry thought that using triple his main amount of it would help him feel even better. He was wrong! When he woke up in the hospital days later, his sexy nurse told him that he had taken a comadose and he was lucky to be alive.

by von groovy April 16, 2025

certainstance

This is a stance that you take on something that you are 100% certain on and it will never change. For example: You hating the Red Sox is one of your certainstances.

Terry: I've been thinking about maybe moving in with Millie. I wonder what she'd think?
Barry: I don't know, man. She might, but her parents are very religious. I'm pretty sure that it is their certainstance that you two be married first.
Terry: You're probably right. And we are only in the 3rd grade...

by von groovy September 15, 2017