Cafficiency

the enhanced efficiency provided by caffiene

If I don't have my morning gallon of coffee, I get nothing done. Cafficiency is the only thing keeping me from getting fired.

by thebetterfriend2 April 17, 2015

Restaurant Recon

Pulling into a restaurant parking lot, and sending a passenger into the restaurant to find out the wait time for a table while the driver sits in the car.

Driver: Do some restaurant recon to see if they can seat us tonight.
*TWO MINUTES LATER*
Recon Agent: An hour wait, let's get out of here.

by thebetterfriend2 September 11, 2010

Hymen Trophy

A fictitious award bestowed upon a person for taking another's virginity.

Up on the mantel over there I keep my Hymen Trophy. Proudest day of my life

by thebetterfriend2 July 18, 2010

hamper dive

(n) the act of rummaging through dirty laundry to find something acceptable to wear for the day.

(v) to hamper diver

I haven't done my laundry in two weeks, which means I need to hamper dive for the least smelly clothes.

by thebetterfriend2 August 27, 2016

Football Minute

When someone asks for a minute to do something, even though they know it will take much longer than 60 seconds.

Wife: I need to run into this store. It'll only take a minute

Husband mumbles: More like a football minute.

by thebetterfriend2 May 29, 2010

Too Soon Guilt

The immediate sense of shame one feels after blurting out an insensitive joke regarding a tragic incident.

I had a great joke in my facebook status regarding George Zimmerman's ruling, but deleted it because of Too Soon Guilt.

by thebetterfriend2 August 26, 2013

Friend Custody

When a couple breaks up, one person gets to keep the mutual friends while the other must find new ones because being around each other would be too awkward. The person who keeps the friends is said to be granted Friend Custody.

Bob: Why don't you come out with us tonight?

Phil: Because when Jane and I broke up, she got Friend Custody.

by thebetterfriend2 March 20, 2010