telephony's definitions

spit diaper

A partial facemask put on prisoners who have a nasty tendency to spit or hawk loogies at the arresting officer(s), courtroom inhabitants (judge, bailiff, prosecuting attorneys, jury members, court reporter, etc.), prison employees, and so on. Spit diapers fit relatively tightly over the mouth & nose of the offending spitter, and are fastened to the face with thin elastic bands that fit around the ears.

Eduardo kept spitting at the cops, so they gave him a spit diaper right after he had his mugshot.

by Telephony December 27, 2015

fece

The singular form of the word feces; that is to say, a single stool floating in the shitbowl or lying on the ground, waiting to be stepped in and subsequently tracked inside the house.

{Hoolio}: Hey look out Hozay, there's a fece that you're about to step in!!!
{Hozay}: Thanks Hoolio! I'm glad that you told me about that so I didn't step on it and track it all over the rug inside!

{Horhay}: Hey George, did you forget to flush? There's a fece half covered in bungwipe floating in the water and you're the last one to use the bathroom!

by Telephony September 6, 2013

toilet muscle

A phrase that simply means "butt" or "ass".

One lousy screw fell off and you have to do all of ***THAT***?!? Man, what a pain in the toilet muscle!!!

by Telephony November 15, 2010

The Toliet Song

A spoof of, "The Vagina Song" originally written by Willam Belli.
The misspelling of, "toliet" was done intentionally so that it has three syllables; it is pronounced, "toa'LYE-et".

Lyrics to The Toliet Song:

♫ Some of them are warm, Some of them are cold ♫
♫ Some are kind of scary, And this is what they're called ♫
♫ Toliiiiiet!(toliet) ♫
♫ Toliiiiieeet!(toliet) ♫
♫ They call that thing..toliet ♫
♫ Some belong to rich folk, They're really clean & bonged ♫
♫ But big or small I flush em'all ♫
♫ That's why I sing my song! ♫
♫ Toliiiiiet!(toliet) ♫
♫ Toliiiiieeet!(toliet) ♫
♫ They call that thing...toliet ♫
♫ Toliet! ♫
♫ Some smell really dirty, Like puke & shit and such ♫
♫ Some smell like a Massengill douche 'cause they've been scrubbed too much ♫
♫ Toliiiiiet!(toliet) ♫
♫ Toliiiiieeet!(toliet) ♫
♫ They call that thing...toliet ♫
♫ Toliiiiiet!(toliet) ♫
♫ Toliiiiieeet!(toliet) ♫
♫ They call that thing...toliet ♫
♫ Nothing could be finer than to pee on hard white china, in the morning! ♫

(yes, he needs to be taught how to pee IN the toliet, not ON the toliet!) :-O

by Telephony November 1, 2015

teepz

Tablets of drugs (usually of the illicit kind).

{From the BBS door game, "Barneysplat" by Bong Software from 1992}

What would you like to do to Barney?

1: Cram him down the toliet with the toliet brush?
2: Give him some nice Barney acid teepz?
3: Strap him to the biggest loudspeaker at an Anthrax concert?

>>_

by Telephony November 29, 2020

urenated

A common misspelling of the words, "uranated" and, "urinated" -- both words have nothing whatsoever to do with micturition (piss).

{Greg}: John, I'm so fucking urenated at whomever stuffed all those paper towels down our toilets!!!
{John}: Greg, it's urinated, not uranated, urenated, uronated, urunated, or sometimes urynated.

by Telephony January 1, 2015

There's Urine in the Sink

A phoney bologna fake, made-up song sung to the tune of, "The Farmer in the Dell".
Usually sung when it is necessary to pass micturition (piss) into a plastic bottle and then discreetly pour it into the sink.

♫ There's urine in the sink, ♫

♫ There's urine in the sink, ♫

♫ Don't piss on the stereo ♫

♫ There's urine in the sink, ♫

by Telephony August 17, 2016