Definitions by secret agent man

hose job 

Metaphorical term for fucking someone, or fucking them over. A metaphor for a metaphor!

My boss gave me Dave's project--that's a hose job if ever I heard of one.

Yeah, the vending machine don't work; someone poured salt water into it trying to hose job it into dropping all its change.

hose job by Secret Agent Man September 18, 2003

gong show 

Based on the 70's amateur 'talent' show, the Gong Show. Applied to entertainment, it means cheesy and out of control, OR completely ruined through the good intentions of amateurs.

They had three bands scheduled, but the first one was the total gong show, so almost everyone left.

What the--? I thought this was supposed to be a presidential address, and I get the gong show?

gong show by Secret Agent Man September 18, 2003

bitchnet 

Hypothetical network all cruel, aggressive women are tapped into.

My boss was a pain in the ass, and then, she must have used bitchnet to tell my wife to give me hell also.

bitchnet by Secret Agent Man September 18, 2003

buy a fucking vowel 

Phrase borrowed (more or less) from TV's "Wheel of Fortune", indicating disrespect for someone's mental abilities. Since generally the contestants on Wheel aren't exactly Einstein, telling someone to buy a fucking vowel is about equivalent to "Get a clue, moron!"

You think the War on Drugs is working? Buy a fucking vowel!

President Bush wants to help the middle class, eh? Maybe he should buy a fucking vowel with his family fortune.

buy a fucking vowel by Secret Agent Man September 18, 2003

fu 

As used by movie columnist Joe Bob Briggs, a suffix indicating some specific form of mayhem in a movie.

The biggest fight scene in the Matrix Reloaded has truck fu, spook fu, doppelganger fu, and keanu fu.

fu by Secret Agent Man September 17, 2003

my friend

What you call something that seems to want to get too close, too often. In the extreme case, it's your 'Special friend'

Damn! This pool chlorinator wants to be my friend!
(Looks down, dog humping leg) I think Vern's dog wants to be my Special friend.

my friend by Secret Agent Man September 17, 2003

unstable molecules 

The magic material Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four invented so that superheroes wouldn't shred / burn / rip up their clothing when they used their superpowers. Now used figuratively to mean some material that you just can't get rid of or rip up.

The shrink wrap on this CD must be made out of unstable molecules.

unstable molecules by Secret Agent Man September 17, 2003