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Definitions by mrbruceman

stood one up 

To deliver a turd so large that you have to stand up off the pan in order to achieve maximum length.

To leave a turd standing up like a telegraph pole when you drop it.
‘Mate you were a long time in the toilet’
‘Yeah I’ve just stood one up, you should see it, it was magnificent
stood one up by mrbruceman December 13, 2022

Trump Shit 

The kind of girthy dump that is so satisfying as it scrapes past the male g spot that you can’t help but pull that face Donald Trump makes when he has said something racist, sexist, ableist or any other -ist that whips his troglodyte followers into a frenzy at his hateful rallies.
Man, I ain’t had a satisfying poo in ages, let’s hope the next one is a Trump Shit that leaves my prostate twitchin’..
Trump Shit by mrbruceman November 18, 2017

that shit's medical 

When referring to the level of a person's stupidity - the case being that the person is so stupid it's not even their fault, they clearly are a cretin, or an imbecile...
My neighbour is such an imbecile that he shovelled the snow off his car, driveway and path and piled it high on the sidewalk so that no-one could walk down the road. I mean, that shit's medical...

wank into oblivion 

To masturbate yourself into unconsciousness - usually as a result of rejection, failure, sheer boredom or all of the above
Jack failed to pull at the club so he decided to go home and wank into oblivion...
wank into oblivion by mrbruceman February 6, 2012

a dose of the Leons

The name given to an attack of diarrhoea, stemming from the slang term 'The Trots'

Full term is 'a dose of the Leon Trotskys'
Sorry i didn't go out last night, i had a dose of the Leons...'

stretcher 

A particularly girthy poo that feels like it stretches you on its way out - it leaves you clenching your buttocks for half an hour afterwards trying to get your ringpiece back into shape!
Remind me never to eat Branflakes again, that dump this morning was so full of stretchers i felt like i'd been fingered by an elephant!
stretcher by mrbruceman March 15, 2009
A post ejaculatory urination which still contains sperm, giving it a cloudy appearence. The etymology being a contraction of sperm/spunk + piss = spiss
'That was wonderful darling, do you mind if i postpone the post coital hugs you so require in favour of a quick spiss?'
spiss by mrbruceman February 21, 2009