matrixbadger's definitions

Crumpet Feet

Used to describe someone who walks strangely, like someone with pingu feet. Offensive as it accuses the other person of being retarded, and acting like it.

Phil: Have you seen Dave walking?
Adam: Yeah, that mofo has crumpet feet

Dave: Phil you can be such a prick sometimes
Phil: Shut it, crumpet feet!

by matrixbadger February 19, 2009

Wedding Speech Game

At a function (wedding/formal dinner etc) one person writes a set of predictable words/phrases that could be used in the speech/speeches that are about to be given on a piece of paper, rips the paper up and hands a word/phrase to every person at the table. When such words or phrases are used in the speech, the person with that piece of paper has to drink/down an alcoholic beverage.
This is hilarious if everyone takes part and great for lightening up a dull speech.

Best Man: I'm so glad that you two are going to be so HAPPY together
Person 1: Who's got 'Happy'?
Person 2: Me
Person 1: CONSUME!
*Person 2 drinks*
Person 1: I love the Wedding Speech Game!

by matrixbadger July 27, 2009

Deceased (noun)

From the verb "To give someone a deceased". This is where you insult someone by shouting the name of one of their dead relatives - a very harsh insult used only when extremely provoked.

Uses of deceased (noun):

Scott: Seriously Tom was bugging the shit out of me last night
Andy: What did you do?
Scott: I gave the fucker a deceased

Tom: Scott you are such a lanky prick
Scott: Shut the fuck up SUE!
Andy: Oooh! You just got given a deceased!

by matrixbadger February 16, 2009

Chodney

A short, fat man/boy. Basically a fat dwarf. Often hairy and unattractive.

Eric Cartman is a chodney.

by matrixbadger May 30, 2009

brick hard

Same as well 'ard, rock hard. Used to describe someone who is likely to come out victorious in a combat situation. Also used to boost one's ego.
Pronounced "brick 'ard"

Phil: Hey, what is he doing?
Chav 1: Don't mess, he's brick hard!

Jenny: Wow! How did you do that?
Phil: Oh you know me, I'm brick 'ard

by matrixbadger December 31, 2007

Cake Chaser

A fat person, self-explanatory. Somewhat like salad dodger

Phil was walking down the street and caught sight of a little boy, he noticed he was somewhat of a fat little fuck... a real cake chaser.

by matrixbadger July 31, 2009

Novelling

From the verb "To Novel". This is where you have intercourse with someone (generally a woman using doggy style or a man) whilst reading out extracts from Charles Dickens.

Phil: I indulged in a bit of novelling with Susie last night
Adam: Really!? What's she into?
Phil: It has to be said, the bitch loves "A Tale of Two Cities"

by matrixbadger February 16, 2009