lumpbag's definitions

Hill biscuits

The vilest, sickliest and cheapest contents of a Snufbag. Officially classed as food but should never be consumed by humans. Ethiopians have been known to turn their noses up at these foul creations, choosing starvation instead.

Mickus: What's in this week's Snufbag?

Mum: A bag of crisps and 18 packets of Hill biscuits.

Mickus: OK, throw me the crisps and shove the shit down the bog where it belongs.

by Lumpbag April 26, 2009

Jafargholi

A Welsh Paki whose awful singing makes normal people vomit blood.

Flon: Dad, why did you just vomit blood?

Dad: Aaarghhhh! <points at television screen>

Flon: Shit, its Jafargholi! <vomits blood>

by Lumpbag May 26, 2009

Pork Scotch Van

A clapped-out white van driven by miserable little security guards. These vehicles are filthy and frequently break down. The fat driver will often try to save a parking place for himself by putting a traffic cone in the road outside his house. This annoying practice is best dealt with by rescuing the cone from the fat guy's possession and installing it in the back of a Maltby lorry two streets away.

What do you call a toilet on wheels?

A Pork Scotch van.

by Lumpbag May 10, 2009

King of West Bridgford

Title adopted by a little fat twat who considers himself the most important person in his home town. The rotund monarch waddles slowly around wearing homosexual sandals, shorts and shades. His Queen is a repulsive dragon with teeth like surfboards. She doesn't understand a word you say because the massive weight of the teeth causes stress in the brain. The royal couple are universally despised and are frequently the victims of monkeyish pranks.

Flobule: Dad, what time are we going to Asda?

Dad: Don't know. I'll have to ask the King of West Bridgford. You need his permission to do things.

Flobule: That's right. We must respect our leader.

by Lumpbag May 29, 2009

Porky-Talkie

A walkie-talkie carried by fat security guards.

Hey look at the fat guy with the walkie-talkie!

I think you'll find that's a porky-talkie. They're especially for fat ugly security guards like Pork Scotch.

by lumpbag June 9, 2009

Goofy Granny Wagon

The worst type of Granny Wagon in the world. A shitty little red toilet on wheels driven by a hideous old gargoyle with teeth like green surfboards.

Sweet Jesus! A gargoyle driving a toilet!

Oh shit, its the Goofy Granny Wagon. Piss off you foul dentist dodger!

by Lumpbag August 16, 2009

Poor Theo

A miserable, ugly Greek bloke who works as a bouncer at a gay bar and constantly feels sorry for himself. He walks around the house saying "Oh dear!" over and over.

Poor Theo sounds really upset. What's wrong? Has his best friend died?

No, he's feeling suicidal because he overcooked his fried eggs.

Poor Theo!

by Lumpbag April 29, 2009