lumpbag's definitions

Fishy MacSwell

A little fat security guard with a gay moustache. Drives a shitty white van and likes to go out with wrinkly drag queens. Probably the most boring man on Earth, definitely the ugliest.

Who's the repulsive fat guy with Goofy Granny?

That be Fishy MacSwell, the most boring bastard on God's Earth.

by Lumpbag May 16, 2009

Pork Scotch pizza

The world's finest pizza topping. The pizza of choice of fat security guards it consists of a Marguerita pizza topped with pork and gravy.

Why is that security guard so fucking fat?

You'd be fat if you ate 3 Pork Scotch pizzas every day.

by Lumpbag May 4, 2009

Pork Scotch friends

Imaginary friends. People who simply don't exist. A bit like Facebook friends. Named for the fact that Pork Scotch has no friends at all because he is such a complete twat.

Monk: So who's coming to this barbecue then? Pork Scotch's friends?

Dad: You're talking stupid. Pork Scotch doesn't have any friends. He has Pork Scotch friends.

by Lumpbag August 15, 2009

Its called Snickers now, Lovey!

The flaming homosexual's response when someone says "I feel like I've run a marathon".

Exhausted person: I feel like I've run a marathon.

Shirtlifter: Its called Snickers now, Lovey!

by Lumpbag May 7, 2009

Hill biscuits

The vilest, sickliest and cheapest contents of a Snufbag. Officially classed as food but should never be consumed by humans. Ethiopians have been known to turn their noses up at these foul creations, choosing starvation instead.

Mickus: What's in this week's Snufbag?

Mum: A bag of crisps and 18 packets of Hill biscuits.

Mickus: OK, throw me the crisps and shove the shit down the bog where it belongs.

by Lumpbag April 26, 2009

Poor Theo

A miserable, ugly Greek bloke who works as a bouncer at a gay bar and constantly feels sorry for himself. He walks around the house saying "Oh dear!" over and over.

Poor Theo sounds really upset. What's wrong? Has his best friend died?

No, he's feeling suicidal because he overcooked his fried eggs.

Poor Theo!

by Lumpbag April 29, 2009

Jafargholi

A Welsh Paki whose awful singing makes normal people vomit blood.

Flon: Dad, why did you just vomit blood?

Dad: Aaarghhhh! <points at television screen>

Flon: Shit, its Jafargholi! <vomits blood>

by Lumpbag May 26, 2009