14 definitions by lumpbag
A barbecue arranged by a boring old twat. No one turns up except his ugly girlfriend. They eat garlic bread at a plastic table, then proceed to drink gin and tonic until they're almost comatose. At which point the boring fat twat plays crap music very loud and dances like a spack. No Pork Scotch Barbecue is complete without the tedious "host" donning a leather cowboy hat, imagining he's a 5 foot 4 Clint Eastwood.
Flonkule: Is The Porky Scotcher at work today?
Mickus: No its not and the Sun's out so you know what that means don't you?
Flonkule: Bollocks! Another Pork Scotch Barbecue!
Mickus: No its not and the Sun's out so you know what that means don't you?
Flonkule: Bollocks! Another Pork Scotch Barbecue!
by lumpbag May 24, 2009
The world's finest pizza topping. The pizza of choice of fat security guards it consists of a Marguerita pizza topped with pork and gravy.
by lumpbag May 4, 2009
The worst type of Granny Wagon in the world. A shitty little red toilet on wheels driven by a hideous old gargoyle with teeth like green surfboards.
Sweet Jesus! A gargoyle driving a toilet!
Oh shit, its the Goofy Granny Wagon. Piss off you foul dentist dodger!
Oh shit, its the Goofy Granny Wagon. Piss off you foul dentist dodger!
by lumpbag August 16, 2009
A little fat security guard with a gay moustache. Drives a shitty white van and likes to go out with wrinkly drag queens. Probably the most boring man on Earth, definitely the ugliest.
Who's the repulsive fat guy with Goofy Granny?
That be Fishy MacSwell, the most boring bastard on God's Earth.
That be Fishy MacSwell, the most boring bastard on God's Earth.
by lumpbag May 16, 2009
The vilest, sickliest and cheapest contents of a Snufbag. Officially classed as food but should never be consumed by humans. Ethiopians have been known to turn their noses up at these foul creations, choosing starvation instead.
Mickus: What's in this week's Snufbag?
Mum: A bag of crisps and 18 packets of Hill biscuits.
Mickus: OK, throw me the crisps and shove the shit down the bog where it belongs.
Mum: A bag of crisps and 18 packets of Hill biscuits.
Mickus: OK, throw me the crisps and shove the shit down the bog where it belongs.
by lumpbag April 26, 2009
A wrinkly old witch with enormous gnashers. This foul specimen is so physically repugnant that only a porky, boring security guard will have anything to do with it. Goofy and Porky walk around wearing shades, thinking they're young and trendy whereas really they're a pair of tedious pensioners addicted to garlic bread.
Is there anyone in the world ugly enough to go out with the Porky Scotcher?
Yep. Goofy Granny. She's one ugly bitch.
Excellent choice, sir. The two ugliest, most tedious individuals on Earth.
Yep. Goofy Granny. She's one ugly bitch.
Excellent choice, sir. The two ugliest, most tedious individuals on Earth.
by lumpbag May 29, 2009
A clapped-out white van driven by miserable little security guards. These vehicles are filthy and frequently break down. The fat driver will often try to save a parking place for himself by putting a traffic cone in the road outside his house. This annoying practice is best dealt with by rescuing the cone from the fat guy's possession and installing it in the back of a Maltby lorry two streets away.
by lumpbag May 10, 2009