Definitions by [e-mail]

Colorado 

A state with extreme scerenity, significant sunshine (over 300 days of sunshine a year in Denver) and the best opportunities to enjoy the outdoors. The Rocky Mountains make it the state with the highest average elevation. Denver, its capital and largest city (population 570,000), is called the “Mile High City” because it’s capitol is exactly one mile in elevation. Denver is consistently ranked among the top of America’s “fittest” , “thinnest” , and “most educated” cities. About half of the state’s 5 million residents live in the Greater Denver Metro area. Other important population centers include Colorado Springs, Pueblo and Fort Collins—all of which are located on the eastern edge of the Rocky Mountains. Colorado has extreme variations in climate. People in Denver can get a tan and snow ski in the same day. The enormous flat plains of eastern Colorado get huge thunderstorms in the spring and summer that make for a great lightening show and tornadoes. Colorado is where the song, America the Beautiful was written. “For purple mountains majesty above the fruited plain” describes Colorado to a tee. Beef cattle and wheat are its two largest agricultural products.

I wouldn't mind living in Colorado. It's progressive, has a reasonable cost of living and generally friendly people.

Colorado by [e-mail] December 28, 2007

Houston 

A bigger version of Dallas. The 4th largest single city in the United States and largest city in Texas. America’s 7th largest metro area. As big as the Houston area is, it isn't even the largest in Texas. Dallas-Ft. Worth is the largest. It’s economy has a broad industrial base in energy, manufacturing of chemicals and petrochemicals, aeronautics (NASA is headquartered in the city), technology, biotechnology and healthcare and research institutions. It is home to the most Fortune 500 companies outside New York City. It’s numerous high-paying jobs followed by a low cost of liviing makes Houston a very easy city to live in. It is one of the fastest-growing metro areas in the country and is a classic example of urban sprawl gone ammock, like many Sun Belt cities including its rival, Dallas. Houston saw a surge of New Orleans refugees in September of 2005, after Hurricane Katrina. It is believed that its crime rate (already among the highest in the country) escalated rapidly after receiving the evacuees. Houston is almost an urban hell to live in because it has no zoning regulations whatsoever, thanks to its voters. Not suprisingly, it has the second-worst air pollution in the country after Los Angeles. For a city of such large size, Houston has very abysmal public transportation and just about everybody drives everywhere. The roads are overused, overcrowded, underfunded and in need of repair. Houston has among the youngest populations in the nation,partly due to an influx of immigrants (both legal and illegal) into Texas. It has the third-largest Hispanic and third-largest Mexican population in the United States. An estimated 400,000 illegal immigrants reside in Houston if you can believe it or not. That’s perhaps why the city has such a high crime rate. Houston, although not with a profile like the crowded East Coast cities, has just about everything: professional sports teams from every sport except hockey, museums, a theme park, tons of bars and nightclubs, an active nightlife, and ranks high in the arts. Houston is just damb big all over the place and an urban nightmare if you want to live there. It’s a nice place to visit or conduct business, but you don’t want to live there. Houston, we have a problem.

Houston is just too dam big and crime-ridden to be good for anything.

Houston by [e-mail] December 28, 2007

Walmart 

The only retailer in America that allows people (primarily Hispanic males) to enter the premises wearing only a wifebeater shirt on the outside.

Walmart is a disgusting and unprofessional organization.

Walmart by [e-mail] December 27, 2007

reality 

In the United States, it's anything outside San Francisco.

Reality is a state of mind, except in San Francisco where it is not present.

reality by [e-mail] December 27, 2007

thanksgiving 

Only in America do have a Federal holiday to remember what we are thankful for, immediately followed by the largest shopping day of the year to max out our credit cards for the next holiday, Christmas.

Thanksgiving is not just a holiday but should be a state of mind all year long.

thanksgiving by [e-mail] December 18, 2007

Indiana 

It may be just an average state, but sure as hell is better than those inbred Southern states, especially its neighbor Kentucky. Sure, the people can be ignorant, antiquated and shortsighted, but not as much as the South. Sure, the weather changes often, but not as badly as in Alaska. Okay, so it's a little quaint, but Michiganders to the north come to Indiana to buy cheaper cigarettes, Power Ball lottery tickets and fireworks that are illegal in Michigan. There's no beaches, but at least it has Lake Michigan, which is more than I can say for Kansas, Iowa, Nebraska or Oklahoma. There are no mountains whatsoever but at least it has some scenic hills in Brown County, south of Indianapolis. Sure it has a lot of corn, but its the corn that makes Indiana a major ethanol producer and will bring in billions of $$ when the Middle east refuses to sell us oil in the future. Most importantly, it’s not Kentucky or West Virginia, thank God!!

Indianapolis is it's capital and the 12th largest U.S. city.

Indiana is quaint with a lot of rednecks south of Bloomington, but at least it isnt Kentucky.

Indiana by [e-mail] December 18, 2007

Missouri 

The Show-Me State. A state that doesn’t know if it’s Southern or Midwestern. Its 6 million residents are divided in geography, accent and culture. Northern Missouri is flat and similar to the rest of the Midwest while southern Missouri is hilly and in the Ozark region. Ironically, America’s new unofficial country music capital is Branson, near the Arkansas border. People from northern Missouri are considered more Midwestern while Southern Missouri is more Southern. Missouri is the place where North America’s two great rivers meet: The Mississippi and Missouri, near Saint Louis. Kansas City is the largest city but St. Louis is the largest metro area. Ironically both metro areas cross state boundaries. Kansas City is known as a great center of jazz music and barbeque while St. Louis is a major center for the production of beer (Anheiser Bush) and has the Gateway Arch. What’s ironic is that beer and barbeque go together like sex and nicotine. However, both cities are extremely crime-ridden by many comparisons. Some natives include Jessie James, Harry Truman, Walt Disney and Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain).

Missouri is a nice, quaint state but has somewhat of an identity crisis.

Missouri by [e-mail] December 18, 2007