jz's definitions
by JZ August 17, 2004
Get the fuckass mug.Jehovah's Witnesses are a strict form of Christianity, almost so strict that, like Mormonism, many people do not consider them Christians. They believe:
- There is no Trinity, God is a single "thing" who does not everything and is not everywhere.
- God created the universe 42,000 years ago.
- Jesus is actually the archangel Michael in human-form, and not God himself. He died for our sins, but not the sins of Adam.
- A good amount of them seem to believe that the rest of Christianity is influenced by Satan.
- Witnesses attend five meetings a week to study the Watchtower and their version of the Bible. You cannot be baptized until you have studied their material for six months answer questions before a panel of elders.
- They do not vote, salute the flag, sing the "Star Spangled Banner," celebrate birthdays or Christmas (with presents and the like, anyway), won't take blood transfusions, and won't join the armed forces.
- Door-to-door canvassing is required where they distribute the Watchtower literature, acquire donations, and forward all monies to the headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
- If one ever leaves or is kicked out of the faith, they are disowned from any members of Witnesses, including all close family. If one does something that the Witnesses do not approve of, they are sent to a veritable "time out" where they are not allowed to speak to any other Witness until they atone for their wrongdoing.
- The Witnesses have had scandals similar to the Catholic Church child molestion cases, where they have shuffled child molestors around without notifying the police, or anyone else, for that matter.
- There is no Trinity, God is a single "thing" who does not everything and is not everywhere.
- God created the universe 42,000 years ago.
- Jesus is actually the archangel Michael in human-form, and not God himself. He died for our sins, but not the sins of Adam.
- A good amount of them seem to believe that the rest of Christianity is influenced by Satan.
- Witnesses attend five meetings a week to study the Watchtower and their version of the Bible. You cannot be baptized until you have studied their material for six months answer questions before a panel of elders.
- They do not vote, salute the flag, sing the "Star Spangled Banner," celebrate birthdays or Christmas (with presents and the like, anyway), won't take blood transfusions, and won't join the armed forces.
- Door-to-door canvassing is required where they distribute the Watchtower literature, acquire donations, and forward all monies to the headquarters in Brooklyn, New York.
- If one ever leaves or is kicked out of the faith, they are disowned from any members of Witnesses, including all close family. If one does something that the Witnesses do not approve of, they are sent to a veritable "time out" where they are not allowed to speak to any other Witness until they atone for their wrongdoing.
- The Witnesses have had scandals similar to the Catholic Church child molestion cases, where they have shuffled child molestors around without notifying the police, or anyone else, for that matter.
Jehovah's Witness, on the whole, are good people, and often misjudged. They were well known in WW2 for rescuing many Jews from Concentration Camps, and being one of the few groups who initially took a stand against Hitler.
by JZ June 16, 2004
Get the Jehovah's Witnesses mug.it's gonna kill us all
by JZ April 11, 2005
Get the bird flu mug.A combination of preppy and punk. The best of both worlds. Mainly applies to kids who want to be punks, but can't conceal their inner preppiness.
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