14 definition by hipster_of_the_month

Refers to the wonderfully smooth and buoyant feeling that a male experiences when he is having sexual intercourse with a larger woman. ("Larger" refers to body shape: full-figured, curvy, chubby, or fat. In general, it does not refer to height, although women with "extra junks in their trunks" can often be as tall as, or taller than, the males trying to bone them. These women often have heavy full breasts, squishy tummies, generous buttocks, and thick thighs, all of which provide padding for the male's frenzied thrusts.)

A time-capsule, buried in the 1960s and recently unearthed on the southern shore of Lake Ontario.

Hipsters are a 21st Century subculture that, in an attempt to reject having a uniform style of dress or artistic taste, has developed a uniform style of dress and artistic taste. Hipsters wear sunglasses in winter and checked shirts and scarves all year round, and short shorts (regardless of whether the hipster is male or female). Hipsters wear Toms shoes and have multiple tattoos. Sometimes hipsters wear waistcoats. Hipsters often smoke, even though they are also proud of being well educated and live healthy, green lifestyles. Hipsters drink locally-brewed beer in cans.

Hipsters often speak about esoteric musical bands from decades past, or bands from small towns few have heard of, but which are now based in Greenwich Village. When other hipsters (or worse, members of the general public) have heard of these bands, hipsters feel great frustration. Skilled hipsters mask this frustration by instead denouncing the band, explaining, "I was just trying to talk about a band you probably had heard of, because I am a really inclusive person, and I didn't want anyone to feel left out."

Hipsters often feel they are the best adjudicators of art, including films, music, literature and poetry, and visual art. The average hipster has read 2000 more novels than the nearest hipster in the cafe he or she is doing nothing in.

Hipsters often have no fixed income, yet they have all of the latest technology, most of which have a white apple symbol.

A form of fully-clothed sexual intercourse, usually practiced by hipsters, who prefer it because it allows them to leave their ultra-tight jeans on during the act. (The process of removing the jeans may take several hours to complete, by which time the need or desire for sex could be dissipated.)

A beverage consumed primarily by hipsters. It consists of the hand-squeezed breast milk of organic, free-range, grain-fed soya beans. Hipster milk is free of all preservatives, artificial flavours, artificial colors, and pretense. Hipster milk is certified green. Soya beans are not harmed in the production of hipster milk.

"In a few days" is a phrase used to convey reassurance and hope after a bad turn of events or the development of an less-than-ideal situation. It is meant to suggest that the situation will resolve itself on its own within a short period of time (although perhaps not necessarily a "few days"). It thereby implies that the suffering caused by the bad turn of events will also be relieved shortly. Often, the phrase is used without any real knowledge that the situation will in fact resolve. Sometimes it is used by an annoyed friend simply to placate the affected person.

Hipster mathematics, sometimes shortened to "hipster math", is a type of mathematics inherent to the lifestyle of hipsters. Hipster math does not follow the rules of the classical mathematics established by trained mathematicians and taught in schools. In this sense, hipster math is a form of "experimental" or "quantum" mathematics.

For example, it is well understood in classical mathematics that if a bank account contains a finite amount of funds, then the combination of having no fixed income with repeatedly withdrawing money from said bank account to finance lattes, flat whites, tighter and tighter jeans, Tom's shoes, outrageous sunglasses, the latest iPhone, ironic cigarettes, and obscure art magazines will eventually produce a zero or even negative balance. However, even hipsters with absolutely no income whatsoever (i.e. hipsters without even a token job at a video rental shop or as a barista) are able to continually and indefinitely finance such frivolities. Another interesting aspect of hipster math is that whenever you think you have counted all the hipsters in an urban park, there are always at least three or four more lurking about that somehow escaped the count, despite the fact that they are strumming guitars and singing loudly and are clearly visible in vibrant hipster uniforms.