"Why is Tom still in that convenience store? He's got the lottery tickets and chips that he went in for."
"He wants to ask the guy behind the counter if they're still selling long-distance phone cards."
"Why?"
"I guess for phoning the 90s. It's where he left his common sense."
"He wants to ask the guy behind the counter if they're still selling long-distance phone cards."
"Why?"
"I guess for phoning the 90s. It's where he left his common sense."
by hipster_of_the_month May 10, 2013
A museophreniac is an individual suffering from museophrenia, a type of recurring delusional disorder in which the affected person believes that the band Muse is very talented.
"Dude, this chick I'm seeing is iceberg-melting hot, but she listens to Muse all day and all night and talks about how they invented classical music and other bogus shit."
"A museophreniac! Dump her ass before you get it too! There's no cure!"
"A museophreniac! Dump her ass before you get it too! There's no cure!"
by hipster_of_the_month May 23, 2013
Hipster mathematics, sometimes shortened to "hipster math", is a type of mathematics inherent to the lifestyle of hipsters. Hipster math does not follow the rules of the classical mathematics established by trained mathematicians and taught in schools. In this sense, hipster math is a form of "experimental" or "quantum" mathematics.
For example, it is well understood in classical mathematics that if a bank account contains a finite amount of funds, then the combination of having no fixed income with repeatedly withdrawing money from said bank account to finance lattes, flat whites, tighter and tighter jeans, Tom's shoes, outrageous sunglasses, the latest iPhone, ironic cigarettes, and obscure art magazines will eventually produce a zero or even negative balance. However, even hipsters with absolutely no income whatsoever (i.e. hipsters without even a token job at a video rental shop or as a barista) are able to continually and indefinitely finance such frivolities. Another interesting aspect of hipster math is that whenever you think you have counted all the hipsters in an urban park, there are always at least three or four more lurking about that somehow escaped the count, despite the fact that they are strumming guitars and singing loudly and are clearly visible in vibrant hipster uniforms.
For example, it is well understood in classical mathematics that if a bank account contains a finite amount of funds, then the combination of having no fixed income with repeatedly withdrawing money from said bank account to finance lattes, flat whites, tighter and tighter jeans, Tom's shoes, outrageous sunglasses, the latest iPhone, ironic cigarettes, and obscure art magazines will eventually produce a zero or even negative balance. However, even hipsters with absolutely no income whatsoever (i.e. hipsters without even a token job at a video rental shop or as a barista) are able to continually and indefinitely finance such frivolities. Another interesting aspect of hipster math is that whenever you think you have counted all the hipsters in an urban park, there are always at least three or four more lurking about that somehow escaped the count, despite the fact that they are strumming guitars and singing loudly and are clearly visible in vibrant hipster uniforms.
"Dude, I think I have seen the same hipster going into that gentrified greasy spoon every night to chow down on a grilled cheese + lobster sandwich, crinkle-cut sweet potato fries, and an ethically-sourced lingonberry milkshake while listening to The Kooks in his Beats headphones and simultaneously scanning Pitchfork and a Henry James novel. He follows it all up with a latte macchiato and four or five Peruvian-chocolate-topped sheeps' butter biscotti. How is he losing weight instead of gaining it?"
"Don't worry about it, man. It's just hipster math."
"Don't worry about it, man. It's just hipster math."
by hipster_of_the_month May 07, 2013
A hipster mullet is a hairstyle or hairdo, similar in volume to the rockabilly mullets sported by country legend Billy Ray Cyrus and TV star Richard Dean Anderson (better known as MacGyver) in the early 90s. The hipster mullet is an updated version of the rockabilly mullet, but infused with "alternative" elements such as neon highlights or extreme differentials between the length of the mullet piece (hair at top of head) and the hair on the sides and back of head, which might be shaved down to mere stubble. By shaving the back and sides down, the mullet piece is emphasized, thereby increasing the irony of the hairdo.
The hipster mullet has been adopted by hipster males and females alike. While a male hipster mullet and a female hipster mullet are similar, a male hipster mullet is often accompanied by additional moustaches, moustachios, beards, goatees, chinstraps, and designer stubble. For both males and females, the hipster mullet is typically accented by "larger than life" sun spectacles, worn at all times of year and in all light levels. Stiegl and Pabst are thought to provide nutrients such as provitamin B5 that improve mullet volume and sheen.
The hipster mullet is best observed in urban parks, in independent cafes, at alternative music gigs, and at college art shows, during the working hours of non-hipsters.
The hipster mullet is closely related to other updated hairstyles, such as the hipster mohawk and the hipster rattail.
The hipster mullet has been adopted by hipster males and females alike. While a male hipster mullet and a female hipster mullet are similar, a male hipster mullet is often accompanied by additional moustaches, moustachios, beards, goatees, chinstraps, and designer stubble. For both males and females, the hipster mullet is typically accented by "larger than life" sun spectacles, worn at all times of year and in all light levels. Stiegl and Pabst are thought to provide nutrients such as provitamin B5 that improve mullet volume and sheen.
The hipster mullet is best observed in urban parks, in independent cafes, at alternative music gigs, and at college art shows, during the working hours of non-hipsters.
The hipster mullet is closely related to other updated hairstyles, such as the hipster mohawk and the hipster rattail.
"Daschiell, did you read my Tweet from five minutes ago??"
"Sorry Sabine, I'm still trying to update my blog on the weak wi-fi signal that everyone in this independent cafe is stealing from the Starbucks nextdoor. What was your Tweet about?"
"It was about how Bitsy and Flavius are sporting matching hipster mullets today! They are practically identical, except for the purple curls in hers and the neck beard growing out of his!"
"I hope they didn't see that you called them hipsters! They'll go apoplectic!"
"Sorry Sabine, I'm still trying to update my blog on the weak wi-fi signal that everyone in this independent cafe is stealing from the Starbucks nextdoor. What was your Tweet about?"
"It was about how Bitsy and Flavius are sporting matching hipster mullets today! They are practically identical, except for the purple curls in hers and the neck beard growing out of his!"
"I hope they didn't see that you called them hipsters! They'll go apoplectic!"
by hipster_of_the_month May 08, 2013
A beverage consumed primarily by hipsters. It consists of the hand-squeezed breast milk of organic, free-range, grain-fed soya beans. Hipster milk is free of all preservatives, artificial flavours, artificial colors, and pretense. Hipster milk is certified green. Soya beans are not harmed in the production of hipster milk.
by hipster_of_the_month February 06, 2013
Hipsters are a 21st Century subculture that, in an attempt to reject having a uniform style of dress or artistic taste, has developed a uniform style of dress and artistic taste. Hipsters wear sunglasses in winter and checked shirts and scarves all year round, and short shorts (regardless of whether the hipster is male or female). Hipsters wear Toms shoes and have multiple tattoos. Sometimes hipsters wear waistcoats. Hipsters often smoke, even though they are also proud of being well educated and live healthy, green lifestyles. Hipsters drink locally-brewed beer in cans.
Hipsters often speak about esoteric musical bands from decades past, or bands from small towns few have heard of, but which are now based in Greenwich Village. When other hipsters (or worse, members of the general public) have heard of these bands, hipsters feel great frustration. Skilled hipsters mask this frustration by instead denouncing the band, explaining, "I was just trying to talk about a band you probably had heard of, because I am a really inclusive person, and I didn't want anyone to feel left out."
Hipsters often feel they are the best adjudicators of art, including films, music, literature and poetry, and visual art. The average hipster has read 2000 more novels than the nearest hipster in the cafe he or she is doing nothing in.
Hipsters often have no fixed income, yet they have all of the latest technology, most of which have a white apple symbol.
Hipsters often speak about esoteric musical bands from decades past, or bands from small towns few have heard of, but which are now based in Greenwich Village. When other hipsters (or worse, members of the general public) have heard of these bands, hipsters feel great frustration. Skilled hipsters mask this frustration by instead denouncing the band, explaining, "I was just trying to talk about a band you probably had heard of, because I am a really inclusive person, and I didn't want anyone to feel left out."
Hipsters often feel they are the best adjudicators of art, including films, music, literature and poetry, and visual art. The average hipster has read 2000 more novels than the nearest hipster in the cafe he or she is doing nothing in.
Hipsters often have no fixed income, yet they have all of the latest technology, most of which have a white apple symbol.
"Do you see that guy with the designer stubble, the tie-scarf combo, the coke bottle glasses, the skin-tight jeans, the leather boots, a tattoo on his arm that says 'RAMONES', and that walkman that probably doesn't even have batteries in it?"
"Sure do. Why does he have so much swag?"
"Because he's a hipster."
"I see. Makes sense."
"Sure do. Why does he have so much swag?"
"Because he's a hipster."
"I see. Makes sense."
by hipster_of_the_month November 29, 2012
A form of fully-clothed sexual intercourse, usually practiced by hipsters, who prefer it because it allows them to leave their ultra-tight jeans on during the act. (The process of removing the jeans may take several hours to complete, by which time the need or desire for sex could be dissipated.)
"What are those two people doing? It looks like they're writhing around on top of a copy of Pitchfork magazine, interlocked but fully-clothed."
"It's just hipster sex. Leave them to it."
"It's just hipster sex. Leave them to it."
by hipster_of_the_month December 04, 2012