h.s. willsy's definitions

Dim Toning

Setting your favourite song as your ring tone and then, after months of hearing it over and over again through your phone's bass-hating speakers, growing to hate it through too much repetition

"Isn't this your favourite song?"

"No, I can't stand it anymore. I set it as my ring tone and after four months of hearing just the chorus I cracked."

"Gutted. That's some pretty dim toning on your part."

"Yeah."

"What have you got as your ring tone now?"

"Why are we talking about ring tones?"

"We must just be losers."

"Bastard."

by H.S. Willsy August 27, 2011

Giger Wanker

A Giger Wanker is someone who straps themselves to a ceiling whilst wearing a gas mask and then proceeds to masturbate to a slide show of H.R. Giger paintings. Traditionally they will mutter, "this is normal, this is normal," to themselves until they cum when they will shout, "take that sexual perversion!"

"Why is every guy I meet gay, married or a Giger Wanker?"

by H.S. Willsy August 25, 2011

Shepherd's Delight

A form of preversion.

When a wily sheep dog catches a pervert breaking in and molesting its flock, it may decide to teach the offender a lesson by giving them a brutal doggy raping. The way they do this is by setting up a fake sheep with a mouse trap inside its fake anus. Obviously, the mouse trap catches the perv with his pants down leaving them open to a terrible raping. Which they then get. Doggy style.

"Come here sheepy. AAAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!"

"Woof."

"Oh no!!!! Shepherd's delight!"

See preversions and prevert.

by H.S. Willsy August 25, 2011

Preversions

Preversions are acts commited by preverts, i.e. people who preempt the actions of perverts by doing to a pervert what a pervert would have done to them.

"So what preversions do we know of Inspector?"

"Well there's the reverse jackson, the funky trap, the shepherd's delight and the razorblade romance."

"Nasty stuff, nasty stuff."

"Yes. Beware of the prevert perverts, beware!"

by H.S. Willsy August 25, 2011

Fettlers

A Prestonian word for old men who exist as soon as the pubs are open. They're usually identifiable by their brown, slouched appearance and the musk of cheap tobacco and piss. They may surround themselves with a ring of empty pint glasses as if they were under siege from reality.

"Those fettlers are dying out."

"Yeah?"

"There’s not any less of them, dying out is just their style."

by H.S. Willsy August 25, 2011

Ket Cramps

Ket cramps (or K cramps) is the name of the abdominal pain suffered by users of ketamine who take 1g + per day for a prolonged period of time

"Oh man, I've got the ket cramps bad."

"Stop taking ket everyday then you filthy scumbag."

by H.S. Willsy August 26, 2011

Insane Stunt Bonus Award Committee

The panel of judges that attach a monetary reward to insane stunts performed by reckless vehicleists. Points are rewarded for:

height, length, helicopters taken down, hoes annihilated, hoes impregnated, pimps flattened, homages to Scarface made, police evaded, FBI humiliated, single file rows of, "Gouranga," shouting Hare Krishnas ploughed down, cars exploded, tanks exploded, rescue services exploded and pedestrians splattered.

The committee is currently comprised of Pope Ratzenberger, Kermit the Frog, Tinky Winky, Jerry Bruckheimer and Ringo Starr

"I came off my motorbike the other day and totally splodged a load of old ladies and the Insane Stunt Bonus Award Committee gave me £300!"

"Nice. I only got £30 last week when I accidentally reversed over that penguin."

"You probably wouldn't have got anything if it hadn't have been so endangered."

"Flightless birds are dumb."

by H.S. Willsy August 25, 2011