h.s. willsy's definitions

Shitemare

1) To find oneself in a public toilet that is lacking a door lock, a toilet seat or a loo roll

2) Any situation in which poo becomes a visible nuisance

1) "Aww man. there's no toilet paper up in this smelly joint. What a shitemare."

"I've got paper for you buddy, in return for a little something something that is."

"Ted? Is that you?"

"It was always me Bill, it was always me."

2) The Indian Commonwealth Games

by H.S. Willsy August 23, 2011

Stravaig

Old Scottish, Northern English and Irish word.

Means to wander about aimlessly

"Yish, looking at that stravaiging bag head over there."

"How about I stravaig over there and rub my open wound on you?"

"Easy stravaiger, there's no need to get shirty, I was just making a comment on the aimlessness your existence."

"Tis true I suppose. Any chance of some money?"

"You give oral sex?"

"Certainly sir."

"Buzzing cha, buzzing."

by H.S. Willsy August 26, 2011

Fettlers

A Prestonian word for old men who exist as soon as the pubs are open. They're usually identifiable by their brown, slouched appearance and the musk of cheap tobacco and piss. They may surround themselves with a ring of empty pint glasses as if they were under siege from reality.

"Those fettlers are dying out."

"Yeah?"

"There’s not any less of them, dying out is just their style."

by H.S. Willsy August 25, 2011

Preversions

Preversions are acts commited by preverts, i.e. people who preempt the actions of perverts by doing to a pervert what a pervert would have done to them.

"So what preversions do we know of Inspector?"

"Well there's the reverse jackson, the funky trap, the shepherd's delight and the razorblade romance."

"Nasty stuff, nasty stuff."

"Yes. Beware of the prevert perverts, beware!"

by H.S. Willsy August 25, 2011

Anti-Fetus

People who are anti-fetus believe in the same rights as people who are pro-choice but for more sinister reasons

(For the English spelling see 'Anti-Foetus')

"So you're anti-fetus rather than pro-choice but we all agree that women have the right to choose right?"

"Kind of but really I just hate fetuses. Those things freak me out."

"They are ugly."

"Yeah, like a monkey with the AIDS or something."

by H.S. Willsy August 27, 2011

Dim Toning

Setting your favourite song as your ring tone and then, after months of hearing it over and over again through your phone's bass-hating speakers, growing to hate it through too much repetition

"Isn't this your favourite song?"

"No, I can't stand it anymore. I set it as my ring tone and after four months of hearing just the chorus I cracked."

"Gutted. That's some pretty dim toning on your part."

"Yeah."

"What have you got as your ring tone now?"

"Why are we talking about ring tones?"

"We must just be losers."

"Bastard."

by H.S. Willsy August 27, 2011

Giger Wanker

A Giger Wanker is someone who straps themselves to a ceiling whilst wearing a gas mask and then proceeds to masturbate to a slide show of H.R. Giger paintings. Traditionally they will mutter, "this is normal, this is normal," to themselves until they cum when they will shout, "take that sexual perversion!"

"Why is every guy I meet gay, married or a Giger Wanker?"

by H.S. Willsy August 25, 2011