frank klaune's definitions

sippin penis

The term dates back to a camping outing in the late 80's where a friend of "House" (whom we called "Elvis") was having an inebriated conversation in which blowjobs (oral sex) was compared with whiskey. The analogy stated that you can have quick, nasty oral sex such as a quicky blowjob in a public restroom or in your car and that compares with the cheap, off-brands of whiskey which you also drink hastily and "chug" down. On the other hand, you have the finer, more desireable blowjobs where you are much more relaxed, take your time and truly enjoy the whole sexual experience much more, such as one done privately with some extremely hot girl you are dating. In turn, this compares with the finer, more expensive, quality bourbons which are poured into nice snifters or tumblers and sipped slowly at a special time and enjoyed much more- such as with fine Kentucky sipping whiskey. At this point someone asked "Elvis" if this meant that a quality blowjob meant you had a "sipping penis" and the group consensus was yes, indeed. A fine, quality blowjob was indicative of a "sipping penis". Of course, when "Elvis" used the term with his southern drawl, it was soon emulated with the spelling "sippin" and the penis term likewise pronounced in accord with the dialect.

Jennifer and I went on vacation. We spent the weekend in her folks' cabin and while watching the sun set on the porch, she gave me a knob job. Man, that was the best BJ I've ever had... she was truly sippin' penis!

by Frank Klaune December 16, 2004

bouquet of penises

A contemptable situation. Any despised turn of events. The phrase is used in a sarcastic tone and is intended as a portrayal of one's disgust for a given situation.

The vacation sucked. The RV broke down, the dog shit in the tent twice, the weather was hot, then rainy, and we were out of beer. Man, that trip was about as fun as a bouquet of penises.

by Frank Klaune November 23, 2004

oh you MOTHER

By far and beyond, the most commonly used Tomism (see "Tomism"). The phrase has it's origins when Tom was using his very last respirator mask while baling hay and took it off for lunch break. Chris quietly put a lump of horse shit in the middle of the mask. When Tom got up to put it back on, he stared at it for a few seconds, his face got red and he did a slow motion turn to Chris saying, "OHHHH... you MOTHER!!!" Since this event, it has become his signature phrase.

After saying, "OH you MOTHER", he proceeded to chase Chris around the barn, tackle him and perform Malaysian Chest Implosion Torture on him for revenge.

by Frank Klaune November 24, 2004

electric slide

When a dog (or any animal or even an unruly spouse) has an itchy anus and proceeds to drag it on the ground to soothe the burning anal itch. Typically a dog will sit down, pull the hind legs up in the air and use the frong legs to propel across the floor.

Damn, Frank had the minister and his wife over at their house, and while they were having tea in the living room, Zippy sat right in front of them and did the electric slide. How embarassing!

by Frank Klaune March 29, 2005

zipped up

One of many terms indicating a high level of inebriation (drunkenness). The reference is usually done by referring to someone (or yourself) as being "all zipped up."

"Damn, I can't remember what we did last night, 'cuz I was all zipped up!"

by Frank Klaune March 15, 2004

chappies

An irritated or inflamed anal area. "The chappies" is a condition somewhat like hemorrhoids but on a more temporary basis. Chappies are usually caused by excessive ass wiping due to having the shits or by excessive moist farts causing a sore, irritated anal region.

"Damn, Frank's food was so greasy I had the shits all day. Now I've got the chappies so bad I can hardly sit down!"

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004

gourd

Slang for the head (the one that rides on your shoulders, that is). See noggin.

Damn, Frank survived that car accident, but he really banged up his gourd.

by Frank Klaune March 29, 2005