frank klaune's definitions

click it and stick it

A phrase used by many American right-thinking, freedom-loving people who are keenly aware of the continual erosion of civil rights, privacy and disintigration of Constitutional liberties brought on by whiney, liberal nanny-state do-gooders who think big government is needed to protect individuals from themselves.

I was riding in Frank's car, napping in the passenger seat when the cop pulled us over. I got ticketed for not wearing my seat belt. Seat belt, my ass... it's now an oppression belt! I say CLICK IT AND STICK IT!

by Frank Klaune November 21, 2004

jackin' the beanstalk

One of many euphemisms for "masturbation" (e.g. slappin' the salami, jack off, beat off, buffing the bishop, glean the obscene bean, choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, waxing the wonker, greasing the guppy, shooting putty at the moon, and Rosie Palmer and her Five Sisters doing the Four Knuckle Shuffle.

Frank will be a little bit late. He's still back at his house jackin' the beanstalk.

by Frank Klaune January 24, 2005

blue streak

Igniting one's own fart. It really does work. The typical "blue streak" is done with the farter sitting on the floor, legs in the air, and holding a bic lighter to the anus while farting violently. It is highly recommended that some sort of clothing be worn when this is done- not only to keep y ou from scorching your anus but also to keep you from shitting all over your friend's lighter.

Damn, Frank did a blue streak the other day. The fire ball was about a foot long!

by Frank Klaune January 27, 2005

donger

How do you explain it? When playing golf, each of the guys tees off, plays the fairway and finishes with a final putt. The scorekeeper then tallies everyone's score for that hole. The person with the highest (worst) score for that hole must play the entire next hole with their penis protruding from their pants. Thus, the loser of that hole is "the donger".

Man, Frank sucks at golf. He was the donger so much last week he sunburned his dick!

by Frank Klaune May 28, 2004

power shit

n. The forceful, violent, sudden expulsion of a considerable amount of fecal matter. "Power shit" generally (but not exclusively) relates to diahhroea. Upon taking a power shit, spray paint is often the outcome.

Damn, Frank had a huge gut cramp so he snuck into his neighbor's yard, went into their RV and took a major power shit. I think he was afraid to make the mess at home. It took his neighbor an hour or more to clean up the spray paint.

by Frank Klaune April 16, 2005

oh you MOTHER

By far and beyond, the most commonly used Tomism (see "Tomism"). The phrase has it's origins when Tom was using his very last respirator mask while baling hay and took it off for lunch break. Chris quietly put a lump of horse shit in the middle of the mask. When Tom got up to put it back on, he stared at it for a few seconds, his face got red and he did a slow motion turn to Chris saying, "OHHHH... you MOTHER!!!" Since this event, it has become his signature phrase.

After saying, "OH you MOTHER", he proceeded to chase Chris around the barn, tackle him and perform Malaysian Chest Implosion Torture on him for revenge.

by Frank Klaune November 24, 2004

chappies

An irritated or inflamed anal area. "The chappies" is a condition somewhat like hemorrhoids but on a more temporary basis. Chappies are usually caused by excessive ass wiping due to having the shits or by excessive moist farts causing a sore, irritated anal region.

"Damn, Frank's food was so greasy I had the shits all day. Now I've got the chappies so bad I can hardly sit down!"

by Frank Klaune March 6, 2004