earpuller's definitions

FIB

noun: a way to refer to Illinoisans that would offend your grandma if you spelled it out for her. The grandma version of FIB is flat lander.

little timmy: Holy shit, Grandma!! Look at all the God-damned FIBS on the highway today!!
Grandma: timmy!! Where'd you learn to talk like that? Never refer to them as FIBs; it's offensive. Call those bastards "flatlanders."

by earpuller October 10, 2005

ass dragon

a semi-mythical creature, often seen in industrialized areas of the world. in common with other dragons, the ass dragon is a winged creature, but due to its extra-large posterior, it is incapable of flight (sometimes it is incapable of walking up stairs.) anywhere it walks it leaves a set of deep, broad, round furrows caused by its buttocks cheeks scraping the ground due to exhaustion after a long day's work. as well as belching fire from its snout, the ass dragon often releases noxious fumes from deep within its rear end.

outside the old factory, you can still see the ass dragon's tracks, usually filled with rainwater and colored dyes, and sometimes, after a rainstorm, one can catch the scent of sulfurous compounds emanating from the center of the tracks.

by earpuller November 6, 2007

pseudonym

noun: false name used-
1. as a stage name for entertainers,
2. conceal the identity of someone,
3. piss off a person temporarily in charge, i.e. substitute teacher.

1. Ringo Starr is the pseudonym used by Richard Starkey, famous drummer and member of The Beatles.
2. The FBI operative who gave information to Woodward and Bernstein concerning the Watergate break-in was known as "Deep Throat" to hide his true identity.
3. Some of my favorite pseudonyms used to upset substitute teachers are Chuck U. Farley, Dick Hertz, Mike Hunt, Mike Ockisore, Harry Pomms, Mike Rotchitchez, and Harry Bolles.

by earpuller October 10, 2005

blue collar

adjective: working class. I don't know how it became OK to equate blue collar with redneck. I was born and raised just a few miles west of Manhattan (I'm from New Jersey); I don't wear a mullet or a wife beater; I don't drive a pickup truck; and I am an unabashed and unashamed liberal. I am not a redneck; I am blue collar, a member of the working class, and damned proud of it.

redneck: ah hate niggers, jews, catholics, librals, commies, rich people, and anyone else who's not like me.
blue collar: I work with my hands to create the goods and services that people in my community need. I may be of any race, gender, religious belief, sexual orientation, or political affiliation. Without people like me, this country would cease to exist as we know it.

"I work, therefore I am." Rene Descartes, philosopher and laborer

by earpuller December 28, 2005

great googly-moogly

interjection, similar to "great Caesar's ghost" and "jumpin' Jehosaphat," this nonsense phrase can be heard in the song "Goin' Down Slow" by Howlin Wolf, and in Frank Zappa's song "Don't Eat The Yellow Snow."

sure, anyone can shout "holy shit" or "jesus fucking christ." but it takes a person of rare insight and a sense of musical history to say "great googly-moogly" without sounding infantile.

by earpuller January 1, 2006

booger miner

a person with the disgusting habit of picking his or her nose while visible to the public. nothing subtle about the booger miner's approach-finger(s) inserted beyond the knuckle, accompanied by much digging around. gross? nauseating? you bet!! the verb form is booger mining.

while riding the bus to work the other day, gerry looked across the aisle at the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen. astonishing face, magnificent hair, perfect figure, and long, slender legs. he tried to avoid staring at her, fearing he'd appear to be uncivilized and boorish, so he didn't notice that she'd inserted her left pinkie finger demurely into her nostril and began vigorously grinding away. finally he could no longer resist; he had to gaze upon her again. turning toward her, he quietly said "excuse me, i don't mean to be forward, but...." and just as he was about to ask her out, she turned toward him, smiling radiantly, and said "that's alright, go ahead." to his horror, gerry learned that this woman, the embodiment of all that is desirable about the opposite sex, was, in fact, a booger miner, for she had neglected to remove her finger from her nose before answering him. dizziness overcame him as he left the bus fourteen blocks from his office just to get away from the terrible thing he'd just witnessed.

by earpuller June 25, 2006

naughty haiku

similar to naughty little rhymes (if this wasn't published, just follow along,) naughty haiku uses the classic japanese poem structure combined with good old American sex-obsession to create a new art form. The form of a haiku is always as follows-
first line=five syllables
second line=seven syllables
third line=five syllables
-so now just add some semi-pornographic, naughty, or just silly ideas, and voila! naughty haiku!

here some examples of naughty haiku-

her bosom heaving,
jiggling, as she runs away
from me, down the road.

sometimes i stare out
from my window, watching her
as she trims her bush.

gee, i didn't know
she was only fifteen, sir.
off to jail with me.

the couple wriggled
and writhed, moaning in passion;
then the tape ran out.

by earpuller July 15, 2006