earpuller's definitions

Expanding Family Syndrome

the annoying tendency of family groups in stores and other public places to spread out and block access for other shoppers or patrons. seen more often during the holiday shopping seasons, but can occur at any time. EFS can cause unsuspecting people to be forced hard against walls, merchandise displays, etc., or to have to detour around the family group to get at something of interest. similar to groups of aircraft, families often spread into various "vee" formations, echelons, and the dreaded "random EFS," past which nothing can pass, not even light.

this past christmas while shopping at a well-known discount department store, i was accosted by a family of four walking in a row across the aisle. as i was checking out items to purchase, the family came upon me, the dad saying "excuse us," as if i had anyplace else to go. i chose to stand my ground, causing the mom to glare at me and the family to pass me single-file. in this manner i prevented an outbreak of Expanding Family Syndrome.

by earpuller April 27, 2006

rectal-cranial inversion

a serious medical condition, wherein your cranium, or brain, has changed places with your rectum, or asshole. it can lead to jail time, unwanted pregnancy, divorce, loss of job and/or income, and public embarrassment.

joey: oh man, i can't believe i broke up with chloe; she's the best thing that ever happened to me. how could i be so stupid?
zoey: you may have been suffering from rectal-cranial inversion. you may still be. consult your psychologist or your proctologist as soon as possible.
joey: thanks, you're a real pal. i guess i need a tractor.
zoey: for what?
joey: to pull my head out of my ass!!
zoey: true dat.

by earpuller May 18, 2006

yer what hurts?

a humorous all-purpose interjection used after someone makes a curious statement. intended to bring smiles to all persons in the immediate vicinity. heard frequently in the mid-eighties in and around smegwaukee.

charley: hey, that guy looks like renee zellweger, except that she's a girl and he's not
harley: YER WHAT HURTS?

don: man, i'd better get a move on, i've got a big exam tomorrow.
john: yer what hurts?
don: oh shut up, dickless moron!!
john: wow, that hurts, man. *sobs quietly*
don: YER WHAT HURTS?

by earpuller December 28, 2005

chunky monkey

noun: the object of a chubby chaser's affection. Never refer to another person as a "chunky monkey" unless-
A. you know the person very well, so much so that said person would not be offended by being called one, or-
B. you can run very fast and will never see the person again.

A. come on over later, my little chunky monkey!
B. baby, you are a chunky monkey. leave some food for the rest of the world!

by earpuller October 10, 2005

stacies

plural noun. A gathering of former cheerleaders, often from New Jersey. Their common bond is that they've all had elective plastic surgery to make up for "God's mistakes."
This term is used in a way similar to "a gaggle of geese," "a herd of deer (heard of deer? of course i've heard of deer)," or "a murder of crows." It should never be used in the context of "A Flock of Seagulls," unless the stacies still have big hair.

stacy 1: oh, hi, stacy!! love your hair!! how's your husband, you know, the guy i used to sleep with?
stacy 2: well hello, dear!! he's just fine, thank you. his rash finally cleared up.
stacy 3: hey girls, i can still fit in my old uniform!!
stacy 4: well, considering you were a size 42 in high school, that's no accomplishment.
stacy 5: now that's enough catty talk from you sluts...i mean, you ladies.
don the waiter: oh hell, another group of stacies. lousy tippers and louder than giant stadium.
ted the bartender: don't sweat it man. besides, stacies are good for a quick one out in the parking lot. all you have to do is tell them how young and gorgeous they look.

by earpuller April 18, 2006

emu

half of a comedy pair from the 70's, Rod Hull and Emu. Emu was actually a very large hand puppet; Rod's hand was the emu's head, and his "arm" was a fake, so it looked like he was carrying the large bird. Their routine was not too funny at first, until the emu began to respond to the bad jokes and puns Rod was saying. The emu would make strange faces, stick out his tongue, and mimic his handler, leading Rod to believe he was actually funny. Usually the act ended when the emu attacked Rod. This explanation will make no sense to people who haven't seen it (you young people) but those who came of age in the 70's and 80's Rod Hull and Emu rank with Monty Python and the original cast of Saturday Night Live.

I can't remember which shows they appeared on, but Rod Hull and Emu did all kinds of variety, skit comedy, and kids shows in the 70's.

by earpuller December 28, 2005

pantsing

pantsing is the act of letting the pantsie know that the showing of old, cheap, smelly underwear by wearing one's pants (bought at Big Lots or stolen from the laundromat) low on the hips offends a person or persons directly behind, to the point that the pantser feels a social and patriotic obligation to embarass the pantsie by pulling down the pants the rest of the way and letting the pantsie try to walk away without looking like a ruptured duck.

ike: check out that guy! his dad must be a plumber!
mike: holy shit! maybe he's unable to dress himself without his mommy's help!
ike: or maybe he can't undress himself.............should we give him a hand?
mike: sure! in fact, let's give him two hands!
*at this point the pantsing is performed on the victim*
ike: nice knees, loser! pull up your pants and get the hell away from here!
mike: isn't some village missing an idiot? maybe you should apply, you little pantsie!

by earpuller September 27, 2005