When a woman goes out of her way to please her man while dating, only to abandon these things entirely once married.
Friend 1: "Dude, I think I'm in love with this girl. She deepthroats, cooks for me every night, and cleaned my entire apartment this weekend."
Friend 2: "Sounds like a classic case of altarbaiting to me. Careful, bro.
Friend 2: "Sounds like a classic case of altarbaiting to me. Careful, bro.
by captmurk November 21, 2013
Guy: We ain't having sex right now. I haven't showered once on this camping trip.
Girl: Don't worry about it, my goose cheese will even the score.
Girl: Don't worry about it, my goose cheese will even the score.
by captmurk June 16, 2015
The d-bags who only approve words that either validate their political beliefs, or words that are so well known and bland they serve no purpose on this website what-so-ever. Words like Easter Bunny, Movie Theater, I fucking love you, Year, etc. Furthermore, they decline words that are too awesome for their fucktard minds to grasp. Words like, Goose Cheese - the female equivalent of duck butter. If YOU are that type of voter, shame on you.
Knowing my luck, I'll probably draw an Urban Dic Voter... and this awesome definition will vanish into the abyss.
by captmurk June 16, 2015
The outrageous and perverted sense of courage old men acquire upon realize how little they have to lose. Those diagnosed with ballzheimers can be commonly spotted groping young women in line at stores, or shouting out absurd rants at strangers.
Old guy shouts across the geriatric ward: "Hey, Betty! Bring that fine ass over here and twerk it for me girl!"
Nurse: "Look, Harvey, your ballzheimers is getting way out of hand. Just sit back, be quiet, and finish your Tapioca."
Nurse: "Look, Harvey, your ballzheimers is getting way out of hand. Just sit back, be quiet, and finish your Tapioca."
by captmurk December 26, 2013
Wife: Merry Christmas, honey. Here you go.
Husband: Thanks, babe. I wonder what it could....WTF? A heated toilet seat?!?!
Wife: I know right! Hurry up and install it!
Husband: That's just great. Wishlist giving twat.
Husband: Thanks, babe. I wonder what it could....WTF? A heated toilet seat?!?!
Wife: I know right! Hurry up and install it!
Husband: That's just great. Wishlist giving twat.
by captmurk December 09, 2013
A better abbreviation for 'Richard'
Dave: "Hey Chard, how you been?"
Chard: "My name is Richard, but you can call me Rich, Rick, Ricky, or Dick"
Dave: "No, your name is Chard"
Chard: "My name is Richard, but you can call me Rich, Rick, Ricky, or Dick"
Dave: "No, your name is Chard"
by captmurk August 22, 2014
Using another speeding car to mask your speeding, thereby avoiding radar detection. A speed screen can be executed by falling in behind another speeding car on the freeway while driving only slightly slower than them. The idea is that the potential highway patrol officer, a mile up the road, will tag his/her car first with his radar gun, allowing you enough time to slow down and slip by unnoticed.
A speed screen expert will also be observant of the leading car's braking habits. If he/she randomly hits their brakes, it's likely that they've spotted an officer up the road. Their brake lights act as a potential police warning system.
The ideal speed screen is one in which you are sandwiched between two speeding cars, one in front, one in back. The rear car will screen you from flanking police cruisers.
A speed screen expert will also be observant of the leading car's braking habits. If he/she randomly hits their brakes, it's likely that they've spotted an officer up the road. Their brake lights act as a potential police warning system.
The ideal speed screen is one in which you are sandwiched between two speeding cars, one in front, one in back. The rear car will screen you from flanking police cruisers.
Example 1:
Wife: Can you drive faster, we're late.
Husband: I don't want to get a ticket.
Wife: Just use a speed screen you pussy.
Example 2:
Driver: Dude, this guy coming up behind me is flying.
Passenger: That's a perfect speed screen, get behind him and step on it.
Wife: Can you drive faster, we're late.
Husband: I don't want to get a ticket.
Wife: Just use a speed screen you pussy.
Example 2:
Driver: Dude, this guy coming up behind me is flying.
Passenger: That's a perfect speed screen, get behind him and step on it.
by captmurk November 14, 2013