A failed 2011 slogan created for Marie Stopes International by comedy music band The Midnight Beast, promoted with a catchy music video. 'One up the bum and it's no harm done, one up the bum and you won't be a mum."
Not reliable advice as there is a risk of "splash conception" (where semen is spilled into the vagina from the anus) and the risk of a sexually transmitted infection is as high or substantially higher compared to any other sexual act.
Enjoy your AIDS.
Not reliable advice as there is a risk of "splash conception" (where semen is spilled into the vagina from the anus) and the risk of a sexually transmitted infection is as high or substantially higher compared to any other sexual act.
Enjoy your AIDS.
"One up the fanny and your mum's a granny" so instead you try kinky bum sex, hoping to avoid pregnancy?
The "one up the bum, no harm done" assumption is not a good idea. Where do you think lawyers come from?
The "one up the bum, no harm done" assumption is not a good idea. Where do you think lawyers come from?
by bitchuck September 05, 2024
A gangbang, clusterfuck, bukkake or mass circle jerk.
Named for the very skewed gender demographics, in which a typical Smurf village might have only one Smurfette for a population of nearly a hundred of the horny, blue-balled fuckers. The end result is these horny fucks will smurf just about anything if deprived of sexual activity for long enough.
Named for the very skewed gender demographics, in which a typical Smurf village might have only one Smurfette for a population of nearly a hundred of the horny, blue-balled fuckers. The end result is these horny fucks will smurf just about anything if deprived of sexual activity for long enough.
Get enough fermented smurf berries into their tiny blue bellies and the typical blue-balled smurf will engage in spitroasting, double penetration, sloppy seconds and smurfing anything that even vaguely looks like a female Smurf until, blue in the face. they can take no more.
Ultimately the smurf orgy becomes a free-for-all where they'll smurf just about anything - male smurfs straight or gay, trees, shrubs, stray livestock or anything that moves. If they're intoxicated enough, expect the entire village to be wallowing in Smurf cum, which is as colourful as rainbows and as tasty as candy, but as slippery as silk and as greasy as petroleum jelly.
Vanity Smurf is gay. Sleezy Smurf and Skeezy Smurf are bisexual. A few others are suddenly very openminded when aroused and intoxicated on potent smurfberry wine. To them, a Smurf orgy is orgasmic bliss. In general, though, the skewed demographic numbers and the sheer number of overfilled, hairy blue balls do ensure that the end result is a clusterfuck of smurftastic proportions.
Typically an average Smurf will be walking funny for a week or more once this sorry, unfortunate episode finally ends.
Needless to say, the show's sponsors are typically not amused when the bill arrives to repair the damage to the village. A clusterfuck all around.
Ultimately the smurf orgy becomes a free-for-all where they'll smurf just about anything - male smurfs straight or gay, trees, shrubs, stray livestock or anything that moves. If they're intoxicated enough, expect the entire village to be wallowing in Smurf cum, which is as colourful as rainbows and as tasty as candy, but as slippery as silk and as greasy as petroleum jelly.
Vanity Smurf is gay. Sleezy Smurf and Skeezy Smurf are bisexual. A few others are suddenly very openminded when aroused and intoxicated on potent smurfberry wine. To them, a Smurf orgy is orgasmic bliss. In general, though, the skewed demographic numbers and the sheer number of overfilled, hairy blue balls do ensure that the end result is a clusterfuck of smurftastic proportions.
Typically an average Smurf will be walking funny for a week or more once this sorry, unfortunate episode finally ends.
Needless to say, the show's sponsors are typically not amused when the bill arrives to repair the damage to the village. A clusterfuck all around.
by bitchuck August 01, 2024
If a creampie is a freshly-inseminated vagina, creampie eating is the act of licking and swallowing semen directly from the vagina. It's the only gentlemanly way to atone for your sins if you come too soon, leaving your partner not yet fully satisfied.
Just kidding. A cream pie is merely an innocent food or dessert choice, in which case creampie eating is merely a way to pack on a few extra pounds or kilogrammes. Even then, expect this to be fetishised: see BBW, big beautiful woman, BBW chaser and feederism for a taste of where this might be going.
by bitchuck March 15, 2024
A rendition of AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds done dirt cheap" created by the infamous Bob Rivers.
Likely not safe for work, at least once he sheepishly confesses to pulling the wool over your eyes.
Likely not safe for work, at least once he sheepishly confesses to pulling the wool over your eyes.
If you're havin trouble with you barnyard friends
Youve got a thing for ewes
Been countin sheep but you're not in bed
Heres what you gotta do:
Get out the barn stay off the farm!
Go read a nursery rhyme.
Don't ring 976-BAAA
That kind of loves a crime!
Dirty deeds done with sheep
Dirty deeds. Little Bo Peep
Dirty deeds done with sheep
Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep
Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep
My friend Larry has a little lamb
Her fleece is white as snow.
He keeps bragging 'bout her night and day
Someone should tell him, No,
Look at the flock they're all in shock!
Here comes that mutton fan.
Knock off the fleece Give them some peace.
Don't be a barn door man!
Dirty deeds, done with sheep!
Dirty deeds. Little Bo Peep!
Dirty deeds, done with sheep!
Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep!
Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep!
Velcro gloves Knee pads Late-night dates
Done with sheep!
Warning signs Electric fences High Voltage!
Done with sheep!
Dirty deeds
Don't tell em what I've done to you!
Done with sheep!
Dirty deeds
Dirty deeds
Dirty deeds, done with sheep! Aaaargh!
(Quiet, girls! I think the shepherds coming!)
Youve got a thing for ewes
Been countin sheep but you're not in bed
Heres what you gotta do:
Get out the barn stay off the farm!
Go read a nursery rhyme.
Don't ring 976-BAAA
That kind of loves a crime!
Dirty deeds done with sheep
Dirty deeds. Little Bo Peep
Dirty deeds done with sheep
Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep
Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep
My friend Larry has a little lamb
Her fleece is white as snow.
He keeps bragging 'bout her night and day
Someone should tell him, No,
Look at the flock they're all in shock!
Here comes that mutton fan.
Knock off the fleece Give them some peace.
Don't be a barn door man!
Dirty deeds, done with sheep!
Dirty deeds. Little Bo Peep!
Dirty deeds, done with sheep!
Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep!
Dirty deeds, and they're done with sheep!
Velcro gloves Knee pads Late-night dates
Done with sheep!
Warning signs Electric fences High Voltage!
Done with sheep!
Dirty deeds
Don't tell em what I've done to you!
Done with sheep!
Dirty deeds
Dirty deeds
Dirty deeds, done with sheep! Aaaargh!
(Quiet, girls! I think the shepherds coming!)
by bitchuck September 08, 2024
Prostitutes and call girls would be considered to be sex workers; strippers and porn stars might also be included.
The group of swivel servants sanding around outside, either on coffee break or on strike? Most likely, no... they don't give a f*ck about much of anything other than latching onto the taxpayer's teat every 30 April.
The group of swivel servants sanding around outside, either on coffee break or on strike? Most likely, no... they don't give a f*ck about much of anything other than latching onto the taxpayer's teat every 30 April.
by bitchuck August 15, 2024
In escort prostitution, a variation on the "cash and dash" scam.
A "cash and dash" provider accepts payment (as discreetly handing a call girl an unmarked cash-filled envelope up front is typical in the hobby) but then immediately bails out and leaves without providing any service.
The "dance and dash" scam is similar - some token "service" is provided which has nothing to do with what was advertised or what the client thought was being advertised.
A "cash and dash" provider accepts payment (as discreetly handing a call girl an unmarked cash-filled envelope up front is typical in the hobby) but then immediately bails out and leaves without providing any service.
The "dance and dash" scam is similar - some token "service" is provided which has nothing to do with what was advertised or what the client thought was being advertised.
The client thinks "full-service escort" means sex, the vendor suddenly decides (after taking the money) that no, it means one minute of hip-hop dancing followed by a beeline for the door. That's dance and dash.
In cash and dash, the client doesn't even get that much.
The so-called "escort review boards", despite their serious faults (such as being funded by ads from the very providers the users purport to "review") should be able to provide at least a heads-up if a serial cash-and-dash or dance-and-dash scheme is being operated by one individual local provider. These people change working names and contact info frequently, but patience for what is basically out-and-out fraud is limited.
In cash and dash, the client doesn't even get that much.
The so-called "escort review boards", despite their serious faults (such as being funded by ads from the very providers the users purport to "review") should be able to provide at least a heads-up if a serial cash-and-dash or dance-and-dash scheme is being operated by one individual local provider. These people change working names and contact info frequently, but patience for what is basically out-and-out fraud is limited.
by bitchuck November 03, 2024
An utterly hilarious Bob Rivers song parody of "Rock the Boat" (1973) by The Hues Corporation.
And no, it's all an urban legend. It's perfectly safe to drop the soap in the prison showers. It's just not safe to pick up the soap after... the jail showers are disgusting and you really don't want to know what's down there.
And no, it's all an urban legend. It's perfectly safe to drop the soap in the prison showers. It's just not safe to pick up the soap after... the jail showers are disgusting and you really don't want to know what's down there.
Ever since this prison term began
My tush has lived in fear of some big hairy man
And I'm nervous hanging out with these thugs and thieves
They're looking for a quiet place to corner me
I hope that I get out on probation
Before someone in that washroom gives me love deviation
So I'd like to know if
You get the notion
If I touch my toes will
You get the lotion
And I'd like to know when
You make a motion
And I'd like the guard to
Hear the commotion
Drop the soap
Don't drop the soap baby
Drop the soap
Not safe to bend over
Drop the soap
Don't tap my butt, bubba
Drop the soap...
My tush has lived in fear of some big hairy man
And I'm nervous hanging out with these thugs and thieves
They're looking for a quiet place to corner me
I hope that I get out on probation
Before someone in that washroom gives me love deviation
So I'd like to know if
You get the notion
If I touch my toes will
You get the lotion
And I'd like to know when
You make a motion
And I'd like the guard to
Hear the commotion
Drop the soap
Don't drop the soap baby
Drop the soap
Not safe to bend over
Drop the soap
Don't tap my butt, bubba
Drop the soap...
by bitchuck October 22, 2023