Definitions by Witty Mommy

fox news dementia 

The phenomenon that occurs when an individual watches too much Fox News. Said individual becomes grumpy, paranoid, fearful, and only speaks in nonsensical sound bites. Can be contagious.

"What's wrong with Dad?"
"He's been watching Bill O'Reilly for days so the Fox News Dementia has set in."

fox news dementia by Witty Mommy April 1, 2015

nic fit dick

The persona that emerges when a closet smoker is jonesing for a cigarette but must wait for a smoking opportunity. In the meanwhile, he is a total dick to everyone.

"Why did Dad spike those hedge clippers into the ground and nearly sever his foot?"
"He badly needs a smoke but won't admit it. He's being a total Nic Fit DICK!"

nic fit dick by Witty Mommy April 1, 2015

Office Hit List 

A list of people with whom you work and whom you would also like to murder. But you never would because you're not a murderer so it's an "office hit list" instead of just a regular hit list.

By the end of the week I had so many people on my office hit list that the entire company would be dead if I were actually a murderer. Good thing I'm not.

Office Hit List by Witty Mommy March 31, 2015

Driver's License Weight 

The weight a person reports on his or her driver's license which is anywhere between 5 and 20 lbs. less than the person's actual weight.

"I'm cutting out carbs so that I can get down to my Driver's License Weight."

Driver's License Weight by Witty Mommy March 31, 2015

pew squatter

A stubborn A-hole in church who is sitting at the end of the pew and refuses to scoot down.

This pew squatter refuses to scoot down so we'll have to squeeze by him with our butts in his face. Stubborn A-hole.

pew squatter by Witty Mommy March 31, 2015

Sansplants 

A lack of breast implants. Real boobs. Titties with no silicone or saline.

I swear I am the only chick in this entire gym with sansplants. Whatever. I'm rolling with it.

Sansplants by Witty Mommy January 27, 2015

Pray punt 

To offer prayer as a concrete solution to a problem. To, literally, run the issue "up the ladder" and wait for God to figure it out, thereby relieving you of taking any real action.

I asked the director off my daughter's school if we could switch teachers. She smiled and told me she would pray about it. She totally pray punted the issue.

Pray punt by Witty mommy September 3, 2014