Veranda Collingwood's definitions

FUPS

Fat, Ugly, Poor and Stupid. An acronym for the guy at the bar that you turn down, even on an off night.

Ingrid: I think that guy likes you. He's been giving you the eyes all night.

Elsa: Eww. He's totally FUPS. I'd rather go home alone and organize my sock drawer.

by Veranda Collingwood May 9, 2011

facebook phobia

Refusal to join facebook due to the completely rational fear of old girlfriends/boyfriends who may still have a hate-on for you after a disastrous break-up years ago.

Girl 1: Hey Carol, how come I couldn't find you on facebook?

Girl 2: No way, Jen! I seriously don't want some of those guys I went out with in college to find me. You remember Frank? He threw that "I hate Carol" party after we broke up? {shudders}

Girl 1: You've GOT to get over your facebook phobia and join the real world!

by Veranda Collingwood October 12, 2010

Time Lord Technology

Anything that seems to be bigger on the inside. Ref: The Doctor's TARDIS, which, while from the outside looks to be a simple phone box, actually is a time-and-space-traveling ship which includes but is not limited to a control room, a wardrobe room and a swimming pool.

Guy, watching incredulously as a Girl rummages in purse, digging out a wallet, a book, two tubes of lipstick, several hair accessories and a phone: "All that stuff fit in your tiny pocketbook?"

Girl: "Yeah. Time Lord Technology"

Guy: "Oh right...bigger on the inside"

by Veranda Collingwood January 4, 2011

Unitasking

What mothers, sales clerks and admin assistants have absolutely no possibility of ever trying. Ever.

Emma: Can you hold on a sec please, I'm trying to concentrate on this email to the president you asked me to compose.

Emma's boss: What? You think I pay you to sit around unitasking?!? I want all eight of these things done right now! Yesterday, in fact!

by Veranda Collingwood January 13, 2013

frost butt

The painful exposure to cold wintertime air of skin that should really be bundled under several layers of clothing.

guy 1: (shivering) "There was this huge long line for the bathroom, so I went out back to take a leak. Now I've got a serious case of frost butt."

guy 2: "Dude....TMI...seriously."

by Veranda Collingwood January 3, 2011

texual innuendo

To send a provocative text that hints at promises of sexual favors without graphically describing said favors.

Mike was a master at the art of texual innuendo, sending just enough racy texts to titillate Penny's imagination, without committing himself. Every time Penny's phone vibrated, she got a visceral reaction: Her palms would sweat, her heart beat faster, her breathing catch in her throat. She was hooked.

by Veranda Collingwood October 18, 2010

orgasmorphatism

The condition wherein one imagines someone's orgasm face during the course of a completely unrelated and innocent conversation.

Sarah was chatting with her elderly neighbor about dog grooming when her orgasmorphatism kicked in, causing her to lose her train of thought. She quickly excused herself and ran inside, shaking her head to rid herself of the picture.

John was trying to focus on the nurse's instructions for wound care, but his orgasmorphatism was making it difficult to concentrate on her words.

by Veranda Collingwood October 4, 2010