Veranda Collingwood's definitions

FUPS

Fat, Ugly, Poor and Stupid. An acronym for the guy at the bar that you turn down, even on an off night.

Ingrid: I think that guy likes you. He's been giving you the eyes all night.

Elsa: Eww. He's totally FUPS. I'd rather go home alone and organize my sock drawer.

by Veranda Collingwood May 9, 2011

facebook phobia

Refusal to join facebook due to the completely rational fear of old girlfriends/boyfriends who may still have a hate-on for you after a disastrous break-up years ago.

Girl 1: Hey Carol, how come I couldn't find you on facebook?

Girl 2: No way, Jen! I seriously don't want some of those guys I went out with in college to find me. You remember Frank? He threw that "I hate Carol" party after we broke up? {shudders}

Girl 1: You've GOT to get over your facebook phobia and join the real world!

by Veranda Collingwood October 12, 2010

Unitasking

What mothers, sales clerks and admin assistants have absolutely no possibility of ever trying. Ever.

Emma: Can you hold on a sec please, I'm trying to concentrate on this email to the president you asked me to compose.

Emma's boss: What? You think I pay you to sit around unitasking?!? I want all eight of these things done right now! Yesterday, in fact!

by Veranda Collingwood January 13, 2013

silent sex

what married people do when they're too cheap to get a second hotel room, and have to have sex with two sleeping 7 year olds in the next bed. Usually accompanied by silent shushing faces, muffled giggles and careful movements so as not to make the bed creak. Culminates in silent grimaces during climax.

Stan and Diane got a great hotel in Maui for their 10th anniversary, but ending up having to have silent sex, since it was too pricey to get a second room for the twins

by Veranda Collingwood February 26, 2011

Time Lord Technology

Anything that seems to be bigger on the inside. Ref: The Doctor's TARDIS, which, while from the outside looks to be a simple phone box, actually is a time-and-space-traveling ship which includes but is not limited to a control room, a wardrobe room and a swimming pool.

Guy, watching incredulously as a Girl rummages in purse, digging out a wallet, a book, two tubes of lipstick, several hair accessories and a phone: "All that stuff fit in your tiny pocketbook?"

Girl: "Yeah. Time Lord Technology"

Guy: "Oh right...bigger on the inside"

by Veranda Collingwood January 4, 2011

frost butt

The painful exposure to cold wintertime air of skin that should really be bundled under several layers of clothing.

guy 1: (shivering) "There was this huge long line for the bathroom, so I went out back to take a leak. Now I've got a serious case of frost butt."

guy 2: "Dude....TMI...seriously."

by Veranda Collingwood January 3, 2011

texual innuendo

To send a provocative text that hints at promises of sexual favors without graphically describing said favors.

Mike was a master at the art of texual innuendo, sending just enough racy texts to titillate Penny's imagination, without committing himself. Every time Penny's phone vibrated, she got a visceral reaction: Her palms would sweat, her heart beat faster, her breathing catch in her throat. She was hooked.

by Veranda Collingwood October 18, 2010