A complex formula for determining the optimum level of window-opening required in an office.
x = (3.4 I/T) + (D/3) / WY
x = amount of window-opening required
I = irritation caused to colleagues by window-opening, measured in furyons
D = thickness of denim jacket worn by the window-opener, measured in Status Quos
W = daily amount of non-window-opening work done by window-opener
Y = yellowness of hair of window opener
As W always equals 0 the solution to the equation is always infinity.
x = (3.4 I/T) + (D/3) / WY
x = amount of window-opening required
I = irritation caused to colleagues by window-opening, measured in furyons
D = thickness of denim jacket worn by the window-opener, measured in Status Quos
W = daily amount of non-window-opening work done by window-opener
Y = yellowness of hair of window opener
As W always equals 0 the solution to the equation is always infinity.
Newton: That's what I hate most about Felders. Opening windows willy-nilly.
Hovis: Its not as random as it appears. He can't embark on his window-opening tours without first solving the Feldman Equation.
Hovis: Its not as random as it appears. He can't embark on his window-opening tours without first solving the Feldman Equation.
by Unnatural England June 29, 2009
A complete dullard of a civil servant whose boring, grandadesque demeanour was the perfect mask for his other life of demented serial killer. By day a sober individual struggling to understand farmland maps, always an uphill struggle destined to end in sheer bafflement and a well-disguised simmering of resentment; by night a machete-wielding maniac intent on spilling blood by the hogshead.
by unnatural england August 15, 2009
The lowest possible working gear. To operate in Rose mode is to carry out one's duties at a rate which results in a practically inappreciable output.
Newton: Felders has done hardly any work this week.
Hovis: I know. Apart from the window-opening he's been in Rose mode since last Tuesday.
Newton: God, I hate that yellow-haired twat.
Hovis: I know. Apart from the window-opening he's been in Rose mode since last Tuesday.
Newton: God, I hate that yellow-haired twat.
by Unnatural England June 29, 2009
The practice of taking months off work with "stress", returning for a day or two just before half-pay kicks in, then going back on the sick. Formerly known as Clarking this practice has been honed to a fine art by certain civil servants.
by Unnatural England June 25, 2009