Belinda was switching channels after a long day at work and landed on Fixed Noise. bearded and obese Rafael Ted Cruz was on with Tucker Carlson to slam the libs and Belinda said "I don't got enough Chardonnay to sit through Fat Dracula. fucking pass dude."
by Uncle Joosie February 25, 2022
Emmet and Salvador were chatting via Hangouts and Sal got a work call; after waiting a few minutes Emmet became impatient and sent a Purple Cat sticker holding a clock. When Sal hung up he saw the sticker and replied "oh I KNOW you didn't just engage in Sticker Scolding, bitch."
by Uncle Joosie August 14, 2020
George checked his morning email with a cup of coffee in-hand when a sanguinely worded email came in from TripAdvisor warning him to stay safe. "Oh jeez *another* COVID ConcernGram? my in-box can't handle any more of those!"
by Uncle Joosie March 14, 2020
methodology of any Evangelical church
politicking, false-christian places of worship demand Pay to Pray from parishioner-rubes—and breaking nonprofit tax law while doing it
by Uncle Joosie November 20, 2023
Carl was super excited to match with Jacob—a 6'4" former baseball player who seemed nice and single. upon swiping to his matches page Carl saw Jacob pulled an instant ghost and deleted the connection. "Jacob is a dick; don't be like him" Carl thought to himself.
by Uncle Joosie February 16, 2020
The Former Guy DOJ official and Federalist Society member, David Morrell, owns a Washington, D.C., house whose tenant, Lauren Handy, got busted storing fetuses in a cooler. reached for comment the woman said "omg they're gonna freak when they find out about my Handy Five-fetus"
by Uncle Joosie April 01, 2022
One day after transnational mobster and criminal The Former Guy demanded DOJ release the warrant to search his Florida shithole, Dark Garland stepped to the podium and said “I’ve authorized release of the warrant so America can see how royally fucked you are. your move, traitor”
by Uncle Joosie August 11, 2022