ToddUncommon's definitions
The mealy-mouthed, weasel-worded, chickenshit phrasing that brand advertising likes to believe is "reassuring" about massively negative global events, instead of using real words about what may be going on, like "pandemic" and/or "economic crisis" and/or "presidential incompetence".
Singular form: "(this) difficult time"
Singular form: "(this) difficult time"
"In these "uncertain times", disposable toilet seat covers are more critical than ever, like airlines and vacation cruises. Remember, sometimes the only thing between you and a coronavirus droplet might be a Big Johnson Ass Gasket."
by ToddUncommon March 30, 2020
Get the Uncertain Timesmug. The process by which people now use less than 20% of their normal toilet paper when wiping their ass. Toilet paper is worth more than gold (by weight) during this coronavirus COVID-19 pandemic.
"I'm going through serious butt rations right now. I'm now down to two squares per trip, and soon, I'll have to resort to Kleenex. Then napkins. Then paper towel. Then socks. Then sandpaper. Then tree bark. Then my hand. Then my other hand. And then I die."
by ToddUncommon March 21, 2020
Get the Butt Rationsmug. An apocalyptic, end-of-the-world death cult, Branch Covidians believe in the supremacy of "His Holiness the Douche Nozzle" Donald Trump, refuse to wear masks in the middle of a plague, threaten and commit violence against anyone protecting themselves against the corona virus, and basically won't stop until they burn their own house down with them inside. The name is borrowed from prior wackos during a community campfire in Waco, Texas in 1993.
Shopper #1: Who are those people walking through a Wal-Mart with a camcorder yelling to take off our masks?
Shopper #2: Don't worry about them. They're a bunch of Branch Covidians; mostly children and incels.
Shopper #2: Don't worry about them. They're a bunch of Branch Covidians; mostly children and incels.
by ToddUncommon October 6, 2020
Get the Branch Covidiansmug. Teacher: "Class, who is the current President of the US?"
Dustin: "Donald Trump?"
Teacher: "Close. Anyone else?"
Bianca: "Some bagel-faced dipshit?"
Teacher: "Correct!"
Dustin: "Donald Trump?"
Teacher: "Close. Anyone else?"
Bianca: "Some bagel-faced dipshit?"
Teacher: "Correct!"
by ToddUncommon March 20, 2020
Get the Bagel-faced Dipshitmug. Another name for the world's foremost social networking circle-jerk website, where members expose themselves and flog and flagellate their most annoying parts for all to see, whether you like it or not.
by ToddUncommon March 20, 2011
Get the Fapsbookmug. The technically correct way to spell the name of the popular performer and expert on both the second-oldest and the oldest professions in the world: show business and prostitution, respectively.
Due to the market increase in dim-witted skanktacular performers leading to slut inflation, the previous dollar sign in her name has been demoted to mere cents.
Due to the market increase in dim-witted skanktacular performers leading to slut inflation, the previous dollar sign in her name has been demoted to mere cents.
Person A: "Did you see what that attention whore Ke¢ha wore on Jimmy Kimmel last night?"
Person B: "No. Wait, I thought her name was pronounced 'Ke$ha'."
Person A: "Well, it was. But she's an even cheaper slut now, I guess. You could totally tell that the jeggings she wore was actually dirty, and not like stage dirty. Gross."
Person B: "No. Wait, I thought her name was pronounced 'Ke$ha'."
Person A: "Well, it was. But she's an even cheaper slut now, I guess. You could totally tell that the jeggings she wore was actually dirty, and not like stage dirty. Gross."
by ToddUncommon March 2, 2011
Get the Ke¢hamug. COVID Barbie is the perfectly correct nickname for president Donald Trump's last and worst Press Secretary, Kayleighahghuh McEnany. Which is saying something, given that he started his administration with a combative midget, then used a profane lunatic for two weeks, and then settled on a quasi-female trans-Sloth from The Goonies for a spell. A wholly unqualified simpleton bimbo, she represents the perfect blend of blonde lies and cheap makeup that has earned the reputation of a plastic, mildly evil doll.
See also: COVID Karen, Wicket Witch
See also: COVID Karen, Wicket Witch
TV watcher: "Hey, did you see that Kayleigh McEnany said that she wouldn't lie, but has done it constantly since then?"
Bored person trying to not die of COVID: "Yeah. I just wish that COVID Barbie would fall into a fire and melt already."
Bored person trying to not die of COVID: "Yeah. I just wish that COVID Barbie would fall into a fire and melt already."
by ToddUncommon November 18, 2020
Get the COVID Barbiemug.