Terry Deary's definitions

whip it out

v. inf. A common phrase used to describe the occasion of a man suddenly producing his penis, often when completely unexpected and for no reason whatsoever.

Jim: See the game last night?
Dave: Yeah, United were unlucky to lose.
Jim: Think they'll sack the manager now?
Dave: They might have to. What do you think Gary?
*Gary whips it out*

by Terry Deary June 2, 2005

ball goggles

n./adj. (Scot. pron. "baw goggles") A deviant sexual practice wherein one covers his partner's eyes with his clockweights. Most probably popularised due to the humiliation factor for the blinded partner.

I couldn't believe my luck when my girlfriend's sister asked me to give her a pair of ball goggles for her birthday!

by Terry Deary August 29, 2006

Winking Chink's Eye

n. Of a human, the orifice which excretes waste, most probably due to the semi-resemblance to the closed eye of an Oriental person. The brown eye, the ringpiece, the rusty sherrif's badge.

Dr. Proctor: Now Mrs. Jones, what seems to be the problem?
Mrs. Jones: I'm having trouble passing solids, doc.
Dr. Proctor: I see. Now, Mrs. Jones, if you could remove your undergarments and bend over, please.
Mrs. Jones: Is everything okay, doctor?
Dr. Proctor: Mrs. Jones, I must prescribe a daily course of backdoor surprises immediately, your winking chink's eye is as tight as a corset string.

by Terry Deary July 27, 2008

elephant impression

n. (sometimes "elephant impersonation") To open your pockets out, unzip your fly, and whip it out, thus your pockets bearing vague resemblance to elephant ears, and your walloper to the beast's trunk.

The more ardent of impersonators will paint his beef dagger grey, then gel his pubes outwards and paint them white, to give the impression of tusks.

The kids weren't amused by his balloon shapes or his juggling, and Coco the clown was running out of ideas. He had to make sure these kids had fun or he wouldn't get paid for the gig. All of a sudden, he had a stroke of genius!
"Say, kids..." whispered Coco, "do you like wild animals?"
"Yeah! Yeah!" yelled the brats excitedly.
"Well, what luck!" the clown laughed, "'cos I just happen to have my pet elephant with me today!"
"Hooray!" shouted the kids.

Coco was fined £5000, put on the Sex Offenders' Register and sentenced to 3 years without parole for indecent exposure to minors.

Elephant impressions are not suitable for children under 10 years old.

by Terry Deary August 29, 2006

willy-willy

n. Australian meteorologist with two willies.

Joe: Show's yer willy.
Bruce the weatherman: I have two.
Joe: Show's yer willy-willy.

by Terry Deary June 3, 2005

HairyBeef

n. cow meat which has at some stage in its production been exposed to hair.

Maw Parker: I got you steaks for dinner kids.
Kid #1: Cool.
Kid #2: There's hair on my beef!
(Other kids all snigger at the connotations)

by Terry Deary June 2, 2005

chip an' chee

n. (a.k.a. chips and cheese) commonplace British delicacy, to be found in almost every 3am eaterie for around £2.00. Profoundly sautéed in 'graisse animale', the chips (fries to non-UK English speakers) are then drowned to taste in traditional seasoning (table-salt and industrial malt vinegar) before the 'pièce de résistance' - a delightful coat of the cheapest plasticky "cheddar-syle" cheese available. Voilà! Delicious.

The mis-pronounciation is a direct hommage, if you will, to the owners and employees of Britain's millions of kebab shops, and their unilateral endearing trait of being unable to speak English.

*3 o'clock a.m., any town centre in the UK*
Turkish guy at till: Whatchoo wan'?
Drunk customer: What? £5 for a kebab? I'll have fookin' chips and cheese then.
Turkish guy (to the guy doing the frying): Ey Sanjeet, two chip an' chee!

by Terry Deary February 28, 2006