56 definitions by Robert Lanham, Author of Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic

People who call friends and family regularly, but don't actually have anything to say.
A phone conversation with a telemute often consists of thirty minutes of you trying to come up with something to say.
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Passive-aggressive Jews who date non-Jews to avoid commitment.
When things get too serious, Antigentites simply break things off, insisting they can only commit to Jewish partners.
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An Active career mom who doesn't have time for sports, save an occasional visit to the gym.
The Treadmill Mom picks up her kids from soccer practice when time allows, but generally leaves it up to her husband
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HomoFabs suggest that they're not homophobic since they watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
HomoFabs are similar to people who claim not to be racists by saying "I have lots of black friends."
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Backstabbing employees whose inflated ambitions and obsessions with work cause people not to like them and sabotages their chances for advancement
Alpha Weasels are often too consumed by their ambitions to have a life beyond the walls of the office.
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Family members with shifty eyes and overly friendly hugs who discover their affectionate side when their cousins and nieces buy their first training bra.
Whereas flirtatious grandpas are usually written off as being harmless, Twister Uncles sometimes require a tongue-lashing from Cousin Willy.
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Laymen paparazzi who commonly spot people who look "just like" celebrities at the mall, church, and Applebee's.
Page Eighty-Sixers point to random people they encounter in public and say, "Doesn't that person look just like Colin Farrell?"
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