56 definitions by Robert Lanham, Author of Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic

Kite-Flying Parents

Back-to-the-earth parents who would rather their children find creative ways to express themselves than play competitive sports like soccer.

Kite-Flying Parents think that painting the top of an umbrella with festive finger paints or making bird feeders out of pinecones and peanut butter are activities that are better suited for children.

by Robert Lanham, Author of Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic August 4, 2004

Granny Dickens

Overly candid letter writers who reveal personal and/or demoralizing information in their uncensored diatribes

Tactless chroniclers who keep the family abreast on intimate topics

by Robert Lanham, Author of Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic August 4, 2004

Favorcrat

a boss who is like a parent who gives preferential treatment to a child

Favorcrats think Mary should be able to come in a bit late since she works so hard.

by Robert Lanham, Author of Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic August 4, 2004

Wesminster Dog Show Aunts

Beloved relatives whose sensibilities and lifestyles nonetheless confound others in the family.

A disclaimer often accompanies a Wesminster Dog Show Aunt, such as "We love Aunt Jenny, but she's a little different. In fact, that's why we love her."

by Robert Lanham, Author of Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic August 4, 2004

Check-Mates

Office buddies who corner you into being their friends

'Are you going out for lunch today?' is a favorite line of the Check-Mates

by Robert Lanham, Author of Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic August 4, 2004

Genealogy Grandparents

Grandparents who repeatedly inform their grandchildren, and their friends about their lineage.

Genealogy Grandparents will tell the cashier at Linens 'n Things that their lineage can be traced back to Charlemagne

by Robert Lanham, Author of Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic August 4, 2004

Antigentites

Passive-aggressive Jews who date non-Jews to avoid commitment.

When things get too serious, Antigentites simply break things off, insisting they can only commit to Jewish partners.

by Robert Lanham, Author of Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic August 4, 2004