RPCGAL's definitions

Petsplaining

The futile endeavor of explaining to your pets what they did wrong and expecting them to understand.

I explained to my puppy why it was wrong for him to pee on the carpet. Two hours later he peed on the carpet again. I should have realized petsplaining doesn’t work.

by rpcgal January 29, 2022

Cheek Mute

Similar to Butt Dial, a Cheek Mute is when you hold your phone up to your face to talk, your cheek pushes the mute button without you realizing it.

I called my friend and kept saying hello, hello and shaking my phone wondering why he wasn’t answering me. I finally looked at the phone and realized I had cheek muted.

by rpcgal January 18, 2022

Abdultery

When your spouse admires someone else's abs.

Last week I accused my wife of abdultery when I caught her admiring her personal trainer's abs. My attorney said it wouldn't stand up in court.

by rpcgal January 30, 2021

bro-rated

Unlike pro-rated, when a someone discounts a service because you stopped using it, bro-rated is when one of your buddies offers you a deal up front.

My fraternity brother rents his ski condo for $1,200 a week. He let me have it for the bro-rated price of $450.

by rpcgal January 30, 2021

Illiterary Reference

When you quote with confidence from a work of literature but get it horribly wrong.

I said to my wife, you know like in Moby Dick, “I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” To which she responded, that’s from Little Women. Nice illiterary reference.

by rpcgal January 29, 2022

testicular matrophy

The slow decay of your manhood after years of matrimony.

I don't know what's wrong doctor. I never get to go out with my friends anymore or watch the game on the weekend. We’re always doing things with my wife’s friends. We joined a book group and go clothes shopping together. Hmm, sounds like a severe case of testicular matrophy to me.

by rpcgal September 4, 2013

Valet Shoes

The 5 inch heels your date wears on a night out which also means she’s not walking from the parking garage and you’re paying the valet.

When getting ready for a night out, my wife said, you know I can't walk in these, but I’ll wear the valet shoes, we’re going straight to the club and you’re paying someone to park the car.

by rpcgal February 27, 2021