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Definitions by QuacksO

hosspital 

A treatment/recovery facility for our sleek-coated glossy-maned four-legged equine friends.
Hey, hey --- take it easy --- my trusty steed merely has a sore foot from losing a shoe... no need to get all hysterical or call da bleepin' hosspital!
hosspital by QuacksO February 26, 2019

mail coif 

A USPS-delivered hair-styling kit with instructions on how to make an idiot of yourself with an outlandish hairdo.
Mail coifs are a real rip-off --- you would do better just shaving yourself bald.
mail coif by QuacksO February 25, 2019

affeeliate

A non-bashful colleague who provides you with "hands-on experience" (i.e., "touchy feely") as desired.
Having an affeeliate can actually be quite a positive thing, provided that he knows when to keep his hands to himself during times when you're not "in the mood". Often he can be further useful by locating additional fellow humans who also are into "getting physical" on a regular basis.
affeeliate by QuacksO February 25, 2019

UPS-truck cadence 

Dat delightful "click-kuh, click-kuh, click-kuh, click-kuh..." flashers-relay sound dat you hear when da brown boxy delivery-van is parked in front of your house, instantly throwing your excitement into overdrive in eager breathless anticipation of whatever delightful package that the driver is gonna deliver to your family.
Dat familiar UPS-truck cadence may indeed be an exciting sound for regular residential customers to hear, but da loud cloying rhythm quickly becomes "old" for da driver, since he has to listen to it all day at each and every delivery-stop, when he has to activate da truck's safety-flashers.
UPS-truck cadence by QuacksO February 25, 2019

rest area vs. arrest area 

Describes the "pleasant versus unpleasant" quandary that you face when making a road trip on a budget. The D.O.T. may indeed instruct you to "never drive while drowsy", but good luck explaining that to a cop with a quota who taps on your car window at 2 a.m. in the morning to find out why you're parked along a deserted stretch of highway to sleep till dawn.
One simple way to avoid the whole "rest area vs. arrest area" debacle is to simply schedule your sleep-stops around the available "official rest area" locations that are situation along your route... sure, it may take a bit longer to complete your journey if you hafta "call it a day" at 5 pm instead of at nightfall because there will be no other rest areas for another hundred or more miles, but at least you can slumber in peace, knowing that you aren't parking somewhere overnight where you might be given grief.
rest area vs. arrest area by QuacksO February 25, 2019

sizemograph

A calculating device that hot chicks use to determine how big a dude's "downstairs equipment" is.
I don't need no 0%!$@#& sizemograph to figure out if I wanna have sex wif a well-hung dude --- I just tell him to "shove it in", and if it feels good having him up inside me, I simply let him go ahead and start thrusting.
sizemograph by QuacksO February 25, 2019

generic-grocery gawk 

Refers to the astonished stare that you assume when taste-testing two or more brands of a particular supermarket-offering and unexpectedly discover that you actually **prefer** the lower-priced store-brand (which traditionally would be expected to have a "weaker 'n' thinner" flavor/texture), rather than a costlier "big name" product.
Being on SSI and Food Stamps and thus having a very-limited budget, I am used to just buying the "el-cheapo" store-brand of groceries whenever I can stand their usually-milder-tasting flavors. Occasionally I do "splurge" and buy the pricier "fancy-pants" foods, though, when the taste is dramatically better, such as Nutella hazelnut spread or Armour Vienna sausage. One startling exception to this latter condition, though, was in the case of Dinty-Moore beef stew as opposed to just the Great Value brand... I bought a can of DM just to try it out in comparison to the WalMart brand, and I had a total case of generic-grocery gawk --- the Dinty-Moore brand was absolutely a-w-f-u-l, whereas the richly-tasty Great Value stew won hands-down! Boy, ya never know till ya try it, do ya???
generic-grocery gawk by QuacksO February 25, 2019