QuacksO's definitions

flart

An anal indiscretion (i.e., butt-trumpet toot) that inadvertently slips out while you’re in the middle of playfully expressing romantic interest in someone. Depending on who you talk to, this intensely-humiliating occurrence (especially if it’s exceedingly loud and/or odiferous) can be either a turn-off or an advantage… while it’s certainly true that many individuals are indeed totally grossed out by any and all sphincter-splutters (no matter how “perfect” or “melodious” they happen to be!), some others --- especially slightly-crude-natured guys --- actually **enjoy** a good “rip-snorter”, and so their knowing that you are capable of occasionally producing such “priceless auditory gems” can actually be an attraction for them. Plus of course, this event can also be somewhat of an “acid test” for determining the other person’s true level of overall tolerance and understanding towards fellow humans… if he just casually “smiles ‘n’ shrugs” in response to your whizpopper, this is a good sign that not only will he be easy-going about this and any other fairly-minor bodily-malfunctions of yours, but he probably also doesn’t “sweat the small stuff” in other areas of his life, as well, and thus he may make a good compatible partner “over the long haul”.

I wouldn’t wish a flart on anyone, but it can be useful in learning how sensitive and forgiving your prospective partner is regarding trivial matters.

by QuacksO September 3, 2018

hellp

"Assistance from Hell", where the would-be "Good Samaritan" ends up just causing massive damage and/or making the situation worse with his well-meaning but ineffective/bumbling/destructive attempts to assist or rescue someone.

A classic example of Archie Andrews' demonstrating his high-strung kind-heartedness which usually ends up being nothing but "hellp": ignoring his elderly school-principal's vigorous declining protests, Archie repeatedly attempts to assist Mr. Weatherbee to get his yellow Volkswagen Beetle started, but ends up just completely wrecking the car and frightening Mrs. Weatherbee into a total frenzy.

by QuacksO May 9, 2013

sonopsis

Highlights and milestones from Junior's diary.

Tronald Dump would have a simple sonopsis --- "I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, and so I've been coasting on Daddy's money ever since."

by QuacksO March 14, 2025

musical reassurance

Refers to da cheerful/casual whistling/humming/singing dat you're always super-glad/relieved to hear emanating from a mechanic, carpenter, or other repairman as he's working on your in-need-of-fixing item, since this unflustered tune-making indicates that whatever mending/alterations which are required to restore your device are merely "all in a day's work" or "old hat" with him; i.e., he's confidently proceeding with the task and is not concerned that there will be any snags. problems, or delays in said repairs.

Hearing the gloriously-welcome musical reassurance from a service-person produces a similar radiant hopefulness that you experience from being present during an "Ohhhhhhh...!" moment, since in both cases you feel pleasantly relieved that your device is indeed not irreparably damaged/worn/aged, and therefore it will probably be up-and-running again in a fairly short time.

by QuacksO June 12, 2019

Colonel Boogie March

Saloon-sound ("boogie-woogie") version of "Theme from Bridge Over the River Kwai".

Jazz-band leader, addressing the saloon patrons over the PA system: "Okay, now we're gonna play the Colonel Boogie March; feel free to sing --- er, I mean **whistle** --- along. Okay, fellas --- an' a-one, an' a-two, an' a-three, an' a-four..."
Audience: "Wheestle --- whuh-whoo-whoo-WHEE-WHEE-whoooo... wheestle --- whuh-whee-whuh-whoo-whoo-whaahh... wheestle... whuh-whee-whuh-WHEE-whoh.... whuh-whee-whuh-whee-whuh, whuh-whee-whuh, whee-whoooooo...."

by QuacksO July 24, 2018

umpyre

Where angry parents or other fans at a ball game would like to "roast da referee alive" due to one of more calls dat they either disagree with or are otherwise unhappy about.

As ugly as high-school basketball games can get sometimes, anyone in charge of da scoring should consider wearing flameproof uniforms in case any of da spectators start yelling about an "umpyre"!

by QuacksO April 7, 2022

conclewd

To finish or figure out something raunchy.

I looked over art by da likes of Michelangelo and da Vinci, and I conclewded dat da state of da human mind was just as crass and lustful as it is today, what with all of da shameless nudity and debauchery depicted in said paintings.

by QuacksO April 15, 2022