Definitions by QuacksO

conshootulary 

Da local "area's finest" dat uses firearms instead of swords/daggers as their weapons of choice.

In "Another Fine Mess", Colonel Buckshot summons da town's entire conshootulary to his doorstep to help deal with Laurel and Hardy, but for all their energetic rushing about and noisy voluminous pistol-blasting, da only things they end up doing is making total jackasses of themselves and then getting their uniforms ripped off due to a passing subway-train.

conshootulary by QuacksO July 25, 2021

asscertain 

To research and make sure of some fact or detail regarding someone's behind.

I love kneading a pretty girl's shapely rump wif my hands, so I always claim dat I wanna asscertain some particular feature or quality of her delightful "rear fun bubbles" in order to persuade her to let me feel her up --- this smilingly-stated excuse usually does indeed work, although of course da cute chick always sees through my ruse, gigglingly saying, "Oh, you just wanna SQUEEZE MY BUTT!" :P

asscertain by QuacksO July 24, 2021

perishute 

A derogatory term for an old/cheap descent-slowing cloth canopy dat a would-be jumper does not feel overly confident about entrusting with his life.

In "Indiana Jones and the Temple Of Doom", singer Willie Scott doesn't think overly much of Indy's choosing the inflatable raft as a life-saving device for jumping out of the crashing plane--- it looks like nothing but a perishute to her.

perishute by QuacksO July 24, 2021

Matchyou Peachyou 

A Peruvian friendship/romance service dat guarantees dat you will find a "sweet-tasting-fuzzy-skinned-fruit-with-a-ridged-pit"-level partner.

I'm told dat Matchyou Peachyou has been in existence for well over 500 years, so hopefully by now they know a thing or two about their local ladies, and thus they would be very good about determining how to find a perfect blinky-eyed cuddle-companion for just about any dude.

Matchyou Peachyou by QuacksO July 23, 2021

squallternative 

A more-quiet-and-dignified response than simply bawling your lungs out.

I can see infants' not being expected to "keep it down" and behave/communicate constructively and in moderation, but once a child gets to be two or three years of age, it is logical to expect that his parents should have taught him at least a few squallternatives by that time!

squallternative by QuacksO July 23, 2021

alphabetical accidents 

BACKcident: Where you either throw out your spine, or run over/into something while driving in reverse
FAXcident: An "oopsie" (such as garbled or overly-sensitive data) regarding printed material dat you sent over da phone lines
HACKcident: A major computer-related screw-up due to your not having updated your malware-shield recently enough
JACKcident: Depending on which version --- original vs. modern --- of da poem you read, this term can mean: (1) what Jill's male companion suffered due to his losing his footing near da top of da hill where da well was, or (2) what JILL HERSELF suffered when she had unprotected sex wif da pot-smoking Jack, and forgot to take her pill at da time. Can also refer to: (3) what can happen if you don't position your mechanical lifting-device properly when changing a tire, or (4) da painful experience dat you'd get when stepping on an unseen knobby/spikey-toy in your stocking-feet!

Additional examples of alphabetical accidents include:
LAXcident: Refers to either: (1) an unfortunate mishap due to one or more people's not being careful/attentive/cautious enough, or (2) an unexpected calamity at da big airport in Southern California
MAXcident: What insurance-fraud crooks try to create so as to collect da biggest payout dat they possibly can from their injury/damage-related policies
PAXcident: A messy screw-up at da annual gaming-festival
RACKcident: A debacle regarding either a welded-metal wares-platform or da triangular frame for corralling da balls in table-tennis
SACKcident: Refers to either: (1) a messy spillage from a burlap bag, or (2) getting a girl preggo when sharing her sleeping-bag
TACKcident: An unforeseen "big ouch" incident similar to Definition #4 of "Jackcident"
TAXcident: Where you inadvertently let slip about undeclared assets to da IRS
WAXcident: Da unfortunate results of having da hair-removal medium too hot when spreading it on your excessively-furred skin
YAKcident: Refers to either: (1) where you majorly put your foot in your mouth due to uninhibited/indiscreet blabbing, or (2) a mishap regarding a huge hairy mammal with massive curling horns

alphabetical accidents by QuacksO July 23, 2021

cameraflage 

Refers to either (1) steps dat you take to conceal your shutter-box from being observed by da subject of yer photos, or (2) steps dat da would-be subject of yer photo-snapping endeavors takes to conceal himself from da prying-probing "eye" of yer lens.

Celebrities, politicians, suspected/convicted felons, etc. are often da subject of assorted stealthy high-tech attempts by reporters at getting candid snapshots, and so they hafta employ pretty advanced cameraflage techniques of their own in order to be left alone.

cameraflage by QuacksO July 23, 2021