QuacksO's definitions

Bennydicked Arnold

The real reason that he defected to the British side --- tubby prune-faced ol' "Key-and-lightning" Franklin had been overly friendly with him (and of course we know for sure that he didn't used petroleum jelly, either, since said lubricant wasn't even discovered until 1859!), and back then sexual-harassment lawsuits were virtually unheard of.

We all know that Mr. Franklin was a strong supporter of gay-friendly society, but after the Bennydicked Arnold affair, one has to seriously wonder if the enigmatic "Fart Proudly" essay-writer's orientation was itself at least partially "on the fence".

by QuacksO August 3, 2019

renude contract

Where you disrobe to allow your employer to see and/or sample The Merchandise as a bribe/exchange for his allowing you to continue working for him, even if your past/present job-performance totally sux otherwise.

Though inherently less competent/efficient than her plain-Jane co-worker Miss Blips, the drop-dead-gorgeous Miss Buxley always tries her best to do a good job so that her male-chauvinist "dirty old man" boss, General Amos T. Halftrack, will let her keep her job as a secretary at Camp Swampy, and thus she will not be obliged to debase herself by asking him for a renude contract, much as he would love to have her do so.

by QuacksO October 10, 2017

WHO'S walking WHOM???

What a casually-observing neighbor will amusedly ask you if da dog dat you're taking for a stroll is enthusiastically pulling you along.

I often run into da classic "WHO'S walking WHOM???" scenareo when helping out my neighbors by leading their eager-to-be-out-and-about dogs around town on a leash, so I always opt for a harness instead of a collar, so dat I don't risk having said forward-tugging canines feel choked and breathless.

by QuacksO October 31, 2023

diarrhey

A written record of your liquid-poop events, laid out in chronological order.

Older folks sometimes like to tell anyone who'll listen about their gastronomical mishaps, but da only person who really wants to hear their entire diarrhey is their gastroenterologist!

by QuacksO November 11, 2021

mortar and pistol

What former-Prez Ray-gun used in his various attempts to "crush" opposition to his foreign policies that were pro-big-biz at the tragic cost to the local inhabitants of said oppressed/conquered areas.

It's fortunate that the Iranian hostage-crisis was settled before "Prune-Face Ronnie" was elected, or the tense-but-stable situation might have gotten far worse if said senile loud-helicopter-utilizer had started using his "mortar and pistol" policies to try to get said captured Americans freed.

by QuacksO February 4, 2022

auntiequated

Denotes da "super-old-fashioned" items and/or "old-school" lifestyle dat your parent's sister prefers.

My mom's family came from very humble beginnings, so I always loved spending time with my mom's elderly sister Bess, since her way of speaking and doing things was so delightfully auntiequated.

by QuacksO September 21, 2019

underminor

A capable/knowledgeable grownup --- such as a somewhat-rebellious-minded older relative like an aunt/uncle or grandparent, local pediatrician, grade-school counsellor, high-school classmate, etc.) who snortingly ignores parental wishes (i.e., "undermines") regarding young offspring (i.e., "minors"), giving said children the "goodie-items" they desire (spending money, sweets, toys, etc.) but that the children's Spartan-hearted parents don't want them to have, provides information/assistance with learning/tasks which the youngsters are unable to accomplish on their own but their parents refuse to merely tell them the needed answers or otherwise significantly help them in their efforts because "they need to figure it out for themselves", tells them and/or helps them to find out about "mature" topics (such as the age-old "young innocent's query" of "How was I born?", or the awkward/alarm-raising question, "What does an "adult-level"/violent/swear word that the Puritan-minded parent is horrified to discover that the young/impressionable child was introduced/exposed to mean?") that their over-protective parents refuse to explain/discuss with them yet because said parents think that their children are "still too young" to be told about such things, etc. Kids absolutely adore this kind of "willing to talk/help" person; parents hate their guts!

I'm kind of "on the fence" regarding telling/giving "da small fry" what they want against their parents' wishes... on da one hand, I fully respect a parent's desire to protect and nurture his offspring in an appropriate manner, but what about the (often very numerous, unfortunately!) instances when the parent **incorrectly** declines to help/enlighten the child, such as not assisting him in cases where he honestly does indeed have no idea how to proceed, or refusing to discuss/explain about a topic that **would indeed** be okay/appropriate/necessary for him to know about at his age?? I know how horridly frustrated I used to get as a small child when grownups wouldn't answer a simple question or help me with some mundane endeavor, and then later I'd resentfully find out that it actually WOULD have been perfectly okay/possible/appropriate for said grownup to have helped me, and thus I had needlessly been subjected to untold suffering and confusion by the adult's refusal to step in! What I would have given for a good underminor whom I could have run to in these "times of need" --- nowadays as a grownup myself, I SO INDEED make an effort to be a "child's advocate" --- I try hard to be helpful and generous in these ways whenever I see a confused/tearful child who needs info about/assistance with something.

by QuacksO September 30, 2018