Court-wranglings regarding long distances.
Farbitration gets even more complicated if you hafta keep converting between standard and metric length-measurements --- i.e., miles or kilometers.
by QuacksO April 23, 2025
Da level of results dat da farmer in da famous "200 dachshund" Sprint ad got who had bulk-ordered giant-sized cattle to be paired in wooden draft-animal-attachment assemblies.
Unless you use a Sprint-brand cell phone wif clear static-free sound and a picture-screen to order yer livestock, you might end up wif "mediyoker" results --- i.e., dozens of tiny wiener-dogs all cluelessly blinking up at you in mild puzzlement after either having widely-encircling lassos plop down nearly or being placed on da ground within da huge wagon-hauling hoops --- rather than enormous powerful horned o-x-e-n to properly harness up and use to pull yer heavy hay-carts.
by QuacksO May 01, 2025
What an accuser smugly utters after an audio recording or video-footage-clip conclusively proves that a protester-of-innocence did indeed commit the misdeed he was accused of.
Teenage delinquent: I swear, Officer --- I absolutely positively unquestionably DID NOT spray that graffiti on that shop window!! Why, I wasn't even THERE at that time --- I was down at the lake, just gazin' up at the stars and mindin' my own business!
Security guard: Really --- were you, now? Well, my young friend, let's just you and me take a little stroll over to the mall's CCTV-monitoring room, and pull the tape of last night's parking-lot activity.
Teenage delinquent, seeing the greenish-white IR-lighted security-camera footage of himself being very busy with his spray-cans on the store's front sidewalk: But --- but --- I --- this just can't --- I ---
Security guard (giving the flustered youth a self-satisfied smile and shaking his head with a "caught in the act after all, eh, son?" expression): Yeah, I know --- playback's a b***h, isn't it?!
Security guard: Really --- were you, now? Well, my young friend, let's just you and me take a little stroll over to the mall's CCTV-monitoring room, and pull the tape of last night's parking-lot activity.
Teenage delinquent, seeing the greenish-white IR-lighted security-camera footage of himself being very busy with his spray-cans on the store's front sidewalk: But --- but --- I --- this just can't --- I ---
Security guard (giving the flustered youth a self-satisfied smile and shaking his head with a "caught in the act after all, eh, son?" expression): Yeah, I know --- playback's a b***h, isn't it?!
by QuacksO March 12, 2017
What da ladies of Louisiana's state capital are doin' to get gussied up whenever there's a gala festival scheduled.
Prior to every big bash, jewelers in La-la State's "Red Stick City" are also "battin' rouge" --- i.e., speedily dabbin da finely-abrasive polish on their prized merchandise --- in preparation to party-goers' flocking into their shops to buy super-shiny baubles to wear when getting all decked out for said wildly-whoopin'-it-up event.
by QuacksO June 29, 2023
"If you leave your vehicle's engine running during a delay in proceeding (traffic-jam, road construction, accident-resolution, "stuck" red signal-light, etc.), you will be sitting there for many minutes, just wasting gas. The instant you turn the key off and climb out of your seat to stretch, however, THAT'S when the line of traffic will begin moving again, and thus you will have shut off your engine "for nothing", AND you will now be holding up everyone behind you while you hastily hop back into the driver's seat and re-start the engine so that you can move forward again."
I finally took da plunge and bought a second-hand Toyota Prius because I'd eventually had one too many cases of Murphy's Law of Engine-Idling Duration... the Prius automatically shuts down its power during stand-stills, and then uses its electric motor to provide instant mobility as soon as you're ready to go again.
by QuacksO October 20, 2018
Derogatory term for someone whom da speaker feels is too much of a pathetic wimpy no-account to give "viable or reliable" testimony in court.
Da term "twitness" can also refer to a clueless lout who just habitually appears in court to testify at every hearing, even though he did not actually possess actual knowledge of any of said cases --- for example, in da Uncle Remus tale, "Brer Rabbit and the Calico", Brer Fox felt like a total "twitness" when --- as a result of Brer Rabbit's "trickin' him again" by showing him a sheet of paper and claiming dat it was a "sub-peena", knowing dat Brer Fox was illiterate and so he could not actually examine said page to determine whether or not it was actually an official order from da court --- he pantingly scurried over to da Fort Miller court house and was contemptuously told by da court clerk dat he was in fact NOT scheduled to testify at any hearings dat day! As he found out later, da whole thing had merely been a ruse to get Brer Fox away from his house for a while, so dat Brer Rabbit could stop by there himself and tell Brer Fox's "ol' lady" dat Brer Fox had sent her a written message (and confidently presenting her wif da very same sheet of paper as "proof" of what he was claiming, knowing dat Mrs. Fox couldn't read, either) asking her to give Brer Rabbit da sack of fresh meat dat he'd recently brought her to stash in da cool cellar for later consumption.
by QuacksO March 08, 2023
While it's certainly true dat Evel Knievel was far more rezilliont than anyone thought possible, he did suffer many severe bodily issues like pain and stiffness, especially during his later years.
by QuacksO March 31, 2025