Nigel Fleming's definitions
Basically, whatever is suitable and close to hand to clean up the mess after a spontaneous, off the cuff, wank. Items such as socks, towels and if necessary, cushion covers will fit the bill for this purpose.
I got myself into a right mess last night,I'd ran out of toilet roll so I had to use my sock as a wank mop.
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006
Get the wank mop mug.An especially annoying piece of faecal matter that will try its damndest to stay in your anus, as if clinging on to life itself. Blood vesels may be burst trying to shift one of these bastards, be careful!
Oh my God, half an hour it took me to drop that stubborn turd from my arse, but boy was it worth the wait!
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006
Get the stubborn turd mug.A Northerners term for a rodent that has the appearance of a mouse from the front, but the long tail of a rat, hence rouse. Seldom seen before nightfall, these shy beasts feed on scraps of waste from Kebab shops and pizza parlours.
I saw what looked like a cross between a mouse and a rat outside that kebab shop last night, I think it was a rouse, bastard thing!
by Nigel Fleming July 15, 2006
Get the rouse mug.Noun: To squat down, completely out of the blue, to the shock and disgust of everybody, and proceed to piss everywhere without a care in the world.
Sonya: Fucking hell I'm completely pissed after those beers, I'm just gonna pop over there and do a radcliffe.
Noreen: You fucking dirty bitch, where's your self respect?
Sonya: Ha, that was left in my mothers womb along with my brains when they pulled my sorry arse out!
Noreen: You fucking dirty bitch, where's your self respect?
Sonya: Ha, that was left in my mothers womb along with my brains when they pulled my sorry arse out!
by Nigel Fleming August 5, 2006
Get the do a radcliffe mug.The act of masterbating after not having had sex with your partner, but not just anywhere, no, this is done in the same bed as your other half! One must be as quiet as possible so as not to wake up your partner and being caught can results in serious consequences ranging from repulsion to rejection, as I have found out to my cost!
Heh, Nigel, did you get any action last night from your lady?
No chance, that frigid bitch wasn't giving out at all, I had a frustrated wank instead and to be honest, I enjoyed it more than sex!
No chance, that frigid bitch wasn't giving out at all, I had a frustrated wank instead and to be honest, I enjoyed it more than sex!
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006
Get the frustrated wank mug.An annoying female who gives the impression that she is always on her period. They stomp around tutting all day, have mood swings constantly and will snap and cry at the slightest provocation. If you think you are currently seeing one of these ladies, get rid!
Neil: I can't take it anymore, she's doing my head in all the time, everyday.
Nigel: I warned you there'd be trouble with her, she's one of the biggest rag monsters I've had the misfortune of ever meeting!
Nigel: I warned you there'd be trouble with her, she's one of the biggest rag monsters I've had the misfortune of ever meeting!
by Nigel Fleming July 18, 2006
Get the rag monster mug.A white or cream coloured turd. Often dismissed as an urban legend, I assure you, these gems do exist. Very rare and the source of much amusement to all who see one, they usually make themselves apparant in the work place or at school.
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006
Get the albino turd mug.