Religion

Atheist: religion is the biggest lie in the history of humankind *insert rest of shitfest*

Normal person: how about you just let me believe what I want to believe?

Atheist: *mind explodes*
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Chuck Norris

The manliest person on earth

Facts about Chuck Norris:

-Chuck Norris was born on may 6, 1945. Nazi Germany surrendered the next day.
(Look it up)

-Even after getting his ass kicked by Bruce Lee, he was still the manliest person on earth.
(He still is)

-When Chuck was only a few months old, he got sick and sneezed. That sneeze is now known as Hiroshima.

When he was in his 20's, he sneezed again. That sneeze is now known as Tsar Bomba.

-There was once actually life on mars. Then there was Chuck Norris on mars.

-Many people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

-Chuck Norris won a staring contest with Slenderman.

-Most people cut butter with a knife. Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.

-Chuck Norris once played a game of russian roulette with all the bullets in (and went first). He won.

-Chuck Norris was once bitten by a snake. The snake died 2 days later.

-Whenever Chuck Norris steps on a Lego, the Lego cries.

-Chuck Norris acted in Star Wars. His role was the Force.

-Chuck Norris has a gmail account. It is:
gmail@chucknorris(dot)com

-Chuck Norris does not do push-ups; he just pushes the earth down.

-Under his beard, there is only another fist.

- Before the boogyman goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

-When Chuck Norris is bitten by a zombie, the zombie turns into a Chuck Norris.

-Jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim through land.

-Chuck Norris does not need a GPS. He decides where he is.
Chuck Norris is the most badass motherfucker that has ever lived.
by Name removed by the NSA December 11, 2013
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Fucktardia

Fucktardia is a far-off, magical land filled with wonderous works of stupidity, and great triumphs of brianlessness.

To get there, one must sail across the sea of stupidity, journey through the facepalm forest, climb the mountains of dumbassery, cross the river of retardation, and you will come upon the land of Fucktardia.

Fucktardia has a diverse and surprisingly large population. The largest city in the land of Fucktardia is its capitol; Fucktardingtonsworthingham.

The great city of Fucktardingtonsworthingham is a beautiful city, with many famous landmarks, including the Cathedral of Atheism, the Sara Palin monument, and, most importantly, the palace of the king of Fucktardia.

The king of Fucktardia is descended from a royal line of only the most stupid, null-minded, mind-bogglingly fucktarded. It is law, however, that if one can prove himself more fucktarded than the king, they will be crowned king of Fucktardia. George W. Bush did so in 2003.

The people of Fucktardia are called Fucktards, who speak Fucktarded, which is a language very similar to english, but lacks grammatical structure or proper syntax. 99% of the population practices the religion of Fucktardary. The other religion practiced by the remaining 1% is Atheism, because everyone knows that it's a religion. (Duh)
a. I just got back from my vacation in Fucktardia.

b. How was it?

a. Very enlightening. I'm thinking about going into politics.
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The NSA

by Name removed by the NSA January 03, 2014
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Anal cavity search

What airport security officers do to you if you blink wrong.

Imagine a group of people putting gloves on and taking turns shoving it really far up your ass.
Airport cop: Name?

b: {very arabic name}

Airport cop: Come with me, please.

b: God dammit, it's an anal cavity search, isn't it?

Airport cop: Don't worry, we're only violating a COUPLE of your rights..

*glove snaps*
by Name removed by the NSA January 03, 2014
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Internet

A vast network of data that is

40% pornography

30% cat pictures

19% creeps

10% advertisements

10% the word "gay"

1% relevant information

All of which is spied on by the NSA
People keep saying that we should go back to the "Glory days" of the 1950's. But we can't; now we have the internet.
by Name removed by the NSA November 15, 2013
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Shit

1.Waste expelled from the body through the anus

2.An exclamation, usually of displeasure or fear

3.What you are a piece of for looking this up on the Urban Dictionary
1. Hold up, I need to take a shit

2. Aw, Shit!

3. Say I, spell Map, say Sofa Shit
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