Mr. Softey's definitions

tissue issues

The perplexing conundrums that arise from leaving evidence of a recent masturbation session laying about.

Conrad: Holy crap! We've got to go back to the apartment before Pam wakes up, I forgot I left a bunch of used kleenex by the computer!
Farnsworth: Hey, your tissue issues aren't going to make me late to work, Sgt. Spank-o-tron!

by Mr. Softey February 4, 2009

circus popcorn

An ungodly brick of pink popcorn that is case hardened and sold to the unknowing masses at the circus, carnival, fair, etc.

When I was a kid I used to love circus popcorn, but now it tastes like shit on a stick!

by Mr. Softey January 26, 2009

Biscuit Train

The opposite of a gravy train job where you do nothing all day, a biscuit train usually requires full effort.

"I'm gettin' too old to be riding this biscuit train everyday!"

I'm dead tired from riding the biscuit train all day.

"Suck it up boys! We're on a biscuit train with gravy wheels!"

by Mr. Softey January 23, 2009

Jean-Claude God Damn

An exclamation one yells out when, upon turning on the telly, you are unpleasantly surprised by the presence of a horrid Jean-Claude Van Damme movie.

"Jean-Claude God Damn! I give one lousy thumbs up to a Chuck Norris flick, and now my Tivo is infested with this asshole!"

"Jean-Claude God Damn! If they rerun Timecop one more time I'm going on a killing spree"

by Mr. Softey January 23, 2009

Butterball Effect

A scientific theory which explains that regularly eating butter, even a small pat, will eventually turn you into a fat butterball.

At the 10 year High School Reunion.....

Gerard: Hey check out Sylvia, she's a total hefer! She used to be hot, what happened?

Chuck: Dude, It's called the Butterball Effect, all those empty fat calories have wreaked their damnable havoc on her once fine physique.

Gerard: Say what now?

by Mr. Softey January 25, 2009