Mr Ben's definitions

Old Boy's Network

Name given to the informal links that criss-cross upper society, enabling people with power to do favours in exchange for favours with someone else in a different area of expertise. May also be called bribery and cheating buggery.

"I need a loan but my bank manager can't help me. Can you lend me a couple of thousand until the divorce is settled?" - typical plea given when consulting the Old Boy's Network.

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005

tornado

A sudden and inexplicable increase in customers, causing massive amounts of damage and devastation. Then, just as strangely as it appears, the whole thing blows over and the place is empty and now wrecked.

"We've just had a bit of a tornado in here, Boss."

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005

cashcow

A product or item that is endlessly upgraded or improved and which users don't mind having to pay full price for the latest examples. A frequent occurance within video games.

EA Games have two cashcows - "The Sims" and the "FIFA" series of games. Neither of which I'd play if you paid me.

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005

newidium

A derogatory term, used to describe bogus-sounding chemicals found in various products within the cosmetics industry.

"New Pantene Pro-V Ultra! With polyhydro-oxides and vitamin G17! Restores the shine to your hair!" - "polyhydro-oxides" and "vitamin G17" are two examples of newidiums.

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005

clunker

Anything which is so worn-down and clapped out that failure is inevitable. May also be applied to movies in the same way that turkey is, denoting a movie of such awfulness that it defies belief.

"I hate to say but today's been a real fuckin' clunker, know what I mean?"

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005

sluce

That horrible oil that gathers around the edge of a dinner plate whilst eating badly-cooked or cheap canteen food. Unnaturally red or yellow in colour and about as good for your health as a heart attack.

"Hey chef! What's all this sluce doing here?"

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005

tourist

Any individual who displays no regard or knowledge for the unwritten rules of a location or city. Tourists in London, for example, frequently stand on the left hand side of escalators on the tube (a serious no-no), stand directly in front of the train doors with large rucksacks (again, you just don't do this) and take photographs of them halfway out of a telephone box as though they were appearing in a Broadway musical (does anyone do this anywhere at all?).

"What's that? Stand on the right? No, I think I like the left hand side better. Who cares about those other jerks wanting to get by? I'm a tourist, they should wait." - the primary cause of rioting on the London Underground.

by Mr Ben February 10, 2005