How To Be Nice

Day one: Bring her coffee in bed, in a personalized pink mug. She will think you show potential.
Day two: C'mon man, we gave you day one. The rest is up to you.

He knew it was one of those "If you need to ask" things. But still, being clueless, he entered "How To Be Nice" and held his breath.

by Monkey's Dad November 30, 2022

Narcissistic personality order

Because the narcissist has no disorder.

"As you insisted, I went to the therapist. She told me I have narcissistic personality order, which she said very few individuals have. I described our relationship and she wants to see you three times a week."

by Monkey's Dad March 06, 2020

carnivirus

Virus afflicting carnivores, slaughterhouse workers and meat processors, potentially transmitted to humans by animals.

He knew they were getting sick and dying in disproportionate numbers, but he would think about the carnivirus after he finished his bucket of spicy wings.

by Monkey's Dad May 20, 2020

dawth

'died and went to heaven', an acronym for the state of happiness beyond words.

Looking at her across the table, staring into her phone as she'd done all through dinner, the joy he felt in being with her on their first date was inexpressible. He texted 'dawth' to her, heard the thrilling 'ping' and thought she might look up and meet his eyes, but... whatever.

by Monkey's Dad July 26, 2022

logocide

To kill a word, by misuse, overuse, or, like, just, like, whatever.

I always liked the word 'like'. It indicated positive feelings about someone or something, signified similarity. But when the formerly articulate Jon Stewart, in the first episode of his new show, said "And I'm like, what?" in a stream of verbiage strewn with meaningless 'likes', it was a sign that 'like' had suffered the final act of logocide, as if the dying word, zombified, had finally infected every last logocidal person, regardless of age, education, you know, and I'm like, damn.

by Monkey's Dad October 06, 2021

congrenegation

Forbidden gathering of ten or more people.

Laws of congrenegation went into effect, in an effort to slow the spread of the virus.

by Monkey's Dad March 22, 2020

empathology

The debilitating capacity to feel what another person is experiencing.

Although she herself was still healthy, safe and cared for, she had completely stopped eating, knowing how many others were hungry, isolated and suffering from the illness, immobilized by her empathology,

by Monkey's Dad March 16, 2020