Monkey's Dad's definitions

Zoomophilia

Newly classified sexual kink, experiencing Zoom meetings as covert orgy.

Without knowing it, this was the turn-on he had waited for, his new Zoomophilia. Seeing only faces of his Zoommates, his imagination roamed freely, thinking of what might be going on out-of-frame.

by Monkey's Dad May 14, 2020

unstrung hero

Someone whose usual leadership skills are unraveling in the face of the unknown.

She knew her kids looked up to her, yet suddenly faced with total loss of income, feeling her symptoms of coronavirus increasing by the hour, she feared she would become their unstrung hero.

by Monkey's Dad March 25, 2020

through the cracks

Some fall through the cracks, others peek through.

Falling through the cracks, many Americans took to the streets in massive protest of racial injustice and police brutality. Peeking through the cracks, many Americans watched in fear as the streets were filled with anger and pain they could hardly comprehend.

by Monkey's Dad June 3, 2020

roc

rate of change. The speed at which change occurs.

Reeling from the unprecedented roc. And you?

by Monkey's Dad March 19, 2020

Call me!

"Call me" means "call me". It does not mean anything else. When spoken by a woman to a man it does not, for example, mean; "I want to go out with you". It does not, as the man often thinks, mean; "I find you devastatingly attractive". Once he calls, he has done exactly what she told him to do. She has gotten acknowledgement that he finds her desirable, which is what she wanted. When she does not take his call, and does not call him back, he thinks... "But... she told me to call her". He is 100% correct.

Here's my mobile. Here's my email. Here's my work number. Call me!

by Monkey's Dad February 18, 2020

Naybe

Nay, disguised as Maybe, used when you mean "absolutely not" and don't have the courage to say it.

I told him naybe when he asked me out. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but how much clearer can I make it?

by Monkey's Dad January 7, 2020

Kardashed expectations

When the worldview of a young woman raised on all 18 TV seasons of Keeping Up With Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kris, Kylie and Kendall collides with 2020? not to mention? as if that weren't bad enough? their show gets canceled? I mean.

Growing up, she figured her days would like, be all, like, shopping, makeup, hair, like facials and stuff, and not like, unemployment? driving her mom's Kia to TJMaxx while wearing ugly-ass masks? This totally sucked and who was gonna pay for her Kardashed expectations?

by Monkey's Dad September 9, 2020