Mike and Mike the Accountants 's definitions

easter egg cunt

When a man attends Easter Sunday mass, (most often against his will by force of family, significant other etc.) he will quickly become incredibly disinterested and will look elsewhere to pass the time. It is at this moment that he realizes all the female parishioners dressing in their " Easter Sunday best" (i.e. dressing as promiscuously as possible despite the irony of attending church). It is important to note that this is one of the first times all year where the temperature permits the wearing of scantily clad clothing. After this phenomenon has been noted by the male, he will then begin to seek out the best looking women among the parish whom are dressed slutty as fuck, and begin to daydream about fucking the shit out of them. It is by this, and only this process, that the man is able to maintain his sanity during the mass. In some cases, the male might even take mental images for his spank bank.

Mike 1: Easter's coming up man, my lady's gonna make me go to church. Shit.

Mike 2: At least you have the easter egg cunt to look forward to!

by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 14, 2017

new jersey sump pump

See "New Jersey soap pump", except the aforementioned soap pump is reciprocated by the pumpee to the pumper using the the pumper's semen as lubricant for the sump pump.

Mike 1: Dude my hands are so cold, I could really go for a New Jersey sump pump right now, would you mind initiating with a New Jersey soap pump and I'll complete the process?

Mike 2: Sure man!

by Mike and Mike the Accountants February 3, 2017

stealth boner

Similar to a stealth bomber, this is when a male attempts to hide his erection from others. Depending on the intensity of the erection, the size of the male's penis, and the clothes he is wearing, the male may go about a stealth boner in several ways:the most common is to stick his penis upwardly flat against his abdomen using his pants to hold it down. If the erection is only mild in intensity, he may try and hold the erection against his thigh in his pant leg. Attempting to have a stealth boner is exponentially more difficult whilst wearing gym shorts and/or no shirt. Most men grow increasingly adept at using stealth boners since the onset of puberty.

Mike 2: Dude I gotta go talk to one of the director's but that hot audit chick gave me a raging stiffy...what do I do???
Mike 1: Just walk in with a stealth boner dumbass!

by Mike and Mike the Accountants June 9, 2017

stretchsticle

This usually, but not exclusively, is performed on a hot, muggy day. When a male's scrotum coheres to his inner thigh thus causing his testicular area to become clammy, moist, and generally uncomfortable. To relieve this sensation, the man will stretch his legs (whilst standing) outwardly toward either side of his body and switch between leaning to each side of his body while simultaneously bending the respective knee he is leaning toward. If performed properly, a stretchsticle will give the appearance that the man is simply limbering up, or loosening his lower body after vigorous activity and will actually make him seem more athletic, relaxed and generally active. On the contrary, there will invariably be a large portion of the male population that will see through this deceit and realize that their fellow brethren is simply airing out his steamy dank-ass grundle.

Mike 1: Do you think that hot audit chick noticed I was doing a stretchsticle while I was talking to her?

Mike 2: No dude, she prob just though you were stretching your groin cus of hours of sex.

by Mike and Mike the Accountants April 7, 2017

Siberian mudslide

A Siberian mudslide can be performed via multiple sexual positions and among both heterosexual and homosexual partners, however doggystyle is the preferable position for maximum value. It is also recommended that you ingest a large helping of horse laxatives approximately 30-40 minutes before sex. After ejaculating onto your partner's back (preferably as high as possible without entering the neck area), quickly point your anus onto the semen that you've just laid and defecate as much as possible before your partner moves. Your partner will quickly realize what is transpiring, causing him or her to quickly jump up, thus causing the whitish-brown semen feces explosion to slide down his or her back, thus resembling an icy mudslide in Siberia.

Mike 1: Yo you'll never guess what I did to my wife last night!

Mike 2: Dude what???

Mike 1: I took 30 grams of pure bear laxatives, came on her back and gave her a good old Siberian mudslide.

Mike 2: Dude no way, let me get some of those laxatives and I'll try it tonight!

by Mike and Mike the Accountants February 10, 2017

stiff piss

When a male attempts to urinate standing up while his penis is erect. In most cases he must squat, bend, etc. in efforts to get his penis as close as possible to the bowl without actually touching it leaving him in a peculiar and uncomfortable position. This normally occurs in conjunction with morning wood, or immediately after ejaculating.

Mike 1: I'll brb dude, I gotta take a stiff piss.
Mike 2: Why the fuck is your dick hard?

by Mike and Mike the Accountants May 26, 2017

cruise cumtrol

During the act of male masturbation, cruise cumtrol is the task of maintaining one's erection either whilst browsing pornographic videos, while the video is loading/buffering, while the video is streaming mundane content (see "fap forward"), during the awkward scrotum vag exclusive shots, etc. If performed correctly, cruise cumtrol requires minimal lubrication due to the speed of the stroke, and increases the intensity of one's orgasm. The inconvenient truth of the matter is that the cruise cumtrol stage of masturbation often lasts the majority duration of the masturbatory session but significantly enhances the size of the male's warm gooey bukake mess.

Mike 1: Dude I had like a 40 min fap sesh last night

Mike 2: Your dick must be raw as roadkill!

Mike 1: Naw I was in the act of cruise cumtrol for 99% of it and how I have to send my mac to the apple store for cleaning...

by Mike and Mike the Accountants September 7, 2017