bum cigar

In polite after dinner conversation; a stool or dump.

"well, if you will excuse me ladies, i think I'll nip upstairs and light a bum cigar"

by Martin Duxon August 06, 2003

anal announcement

To fart; the diction of friction caused by a passage of foul air through vibrating buttocks.

2. noun. A passage of said arse-speak; German rhetoric; a bottom burp; beef; poot; air biscuit; under thunder.

by Martin Duxon August 08, 2003

Irn Bru Poo

A condition arising after drinking too much of the soft drink "Irn Bru". Has the unusual effect of rendering your stools into particularly pungent dark, dense iron-like ingots that cut through the bog water as though it wasnt there, often producing considerable splashback and chipping the porcelain.

"I went to drown the chocolate slugs but it turned out to be a turd so big it couldnt be dispensed without vocal assistance, a groaner"

by Martin Duxon August 08, 2003

xylophone

To move along a line of naked women who are all bending down, and spank their bottoms - which are of varying sizes - with one’s penis; to play a tune on women's buttocks. From the Greek xylo meaning ‘wood’ and phonnicus meaning ‘to hit tunefully’

by Martin Duxon August 08, 2003

turdis

One of those detatched, modern, portable space age looking public conveniences

I went into the Turdis for a Doctor Who

by Martin Duxon August 08, 2003

crop spraying

Crop spraying - explosive diarrhoea in which one decorates the toilet bowl with fart art in much the same way as a farmer sprays dung onto his field

Doctor to patient: "ah yes, its Mr Smith isnt it? So how are the bowels today, are we crop spraying or cable laying?"

by Martin Duxon July 17, 2003

shyster

Shyster is derived from the German term scheisser, meaning literally “one who defecates,” from the verb scheissen, “to defecate,” with the English suffix -ster, “one who does,” substituted for the German suffix -er, meaning the same thing.

Generally used to describe someone who is untrustworthy, money grabbing and full of crap, particularly in the field of legal work for some reason.

My lawyers are a bunch of shysters

by Martin Duxon September 04, 2003